Vampire Knight Alphabet
by Lacrimosa Cruentus Luna
Summary: VK one shots A-Z. Came from my old account
1. A is for Aardvark

**Author's note: **I was singing the alphabet in Spanish class while thinking about VK and…uh…this is what came to mind. I do not own Vampire Knight, but when I complete my plans of world domination I will. Number one: A is for aardvark.

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"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??" _Ruka shrieked at Aido. He held in his hands a brown animal with a long and hideous snout.

"It's an aardvark Ruka and stop yelling! You're scaring him," the blonde vampire retorted in defense of the aardvark that was staring at Ruka from his arms. Ruka glared at it with all the force she could muster and all it did was stare back lazily.

"I don't care what it is!" Ruka snarled. "Get it out of here!"

"What going—why are you holding an aardvark?" asked a surprised Rima who walked into the hall, followed by Shiki who glided behind her like a shadow.

"I named him Bubbles and I found him in town," Aido explained. Ruka snorted in disgust.

"Do you _see_ this?" she exclaimed.

"I think he's sort of cute," Rima said shrugging. Shiki watched the dozing aardvark with curiosity.

"Does Kaname-sama know about your new friend, Aido?" he asked quietly. Aido froze.

"Erm, not quite," he said sheepishly. Zero appeared out of no where with Yuuki by his side.

"An aardvark?" he scoffed. Aido's eyes narrowed.

"Are you dissing Bubbles?" he demanded angrily.

"You named him Bubbles?" Zero said laughing. He was met with a sharp icicle almost stabbing his gut. Zero growled. Suddenly the aardvark made a funny sound and leaped at Zero who was knocked to the floor. "What are you gonna do?" the ex-human asked the heavy creature. In answer the aardvark took a dump all over his nice white Night class uniform. He yelled while everyone else cracked up.

"Good Bubbles," Aido said smugly. Yuuki took a tentative step away from Zero. He now smelled disgusting.

Ichijou came from behind Shiki and looked at the scene.

"That aardvark…" he murmured and no one heard him. They were too busy laughing and pointing at Kiryuu to notice.

Because this aardvark was no ordinary aardvark. In fact it was actually—

"MY AARDVARK!" Kaname yelled. Everyone whipped around and stared.

Kaname stalked furiously over to Aido and snatched the aardvark away, cuddling him tightly to his chest.

"Poor Poopsy, it's okay baby," he cooed and everyone exchanged glances.

"That ugly—I mean beautiful creature belongs to _you?_" Ruka asked her jaw dropping. Kaname nodded.

Aido scratched the back of his head nervously.

"I didn't steal him! Honest, I didn't," he insisted and Kaname continued to glare. Aido swallowed.

"I should probably punish you for stealing Poopsy—" he began.

"I didn't steal Bubbles, uh, I mean Poopsy," Aido repeated. Kaname shot him a dangerous look that shut Aido up quickly.

"But I can't prove you did and I'm going to let it go _just this once,"_ he said, making sure that the end was emphasized. Aido winced at the hidden threat. Kaname snuggled the aardvark to his chest. "Let's go give you a bath," he cooed.

Shiki and Rima exchanged a glance and had one of the silent conversations they had quite frequently. They made a decision about whatever they'd been talking—thinking?—about in the first place and left.

Aido scowled.

"Who wants an aardvark anyway?" he muttered and left.

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Next up…**B** which stands for…ha ha! I'm not telling!!


	2. B is for Barbies

**Author's note: **some of the words I'm going to be using come out of the dictionary. Some of them don't. This one is an example: B stands for Barbies. I don't own Vampire Knight and I don't own Barbies or Barbie girl. Holy crap there's a lot of stuff I don't own…I'm going to go cry in my corner when I'm done with this chapter now.

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Rima and Ruka walked down the halls of Moon Dorms. That was when they heard a voice which Ruka immediately recognized as Kain's. The two pressed followed the Kain's voice until it came in clearly. He was sitting in his room crouched over something. Rima and Ruka were about to walk in when the heard something they never wanted to hear: Kain had put his voice to the highest pitch possible, now attempting to imitate a girl.

"C'mon Ken, let's go swimming!" his voice squeaked. Then he deepened his voice lower.

"Sure thing, Barbie," he grumbled and Rima shoved her fist in her mouth to stop the laughter that threatened to explode. Ruka turned to Rima and mouthed _I'll be right back _before darting off. She returned with Shiki, Ichijou and Yuuki who all looked very confused. Then they heard Kain's voice and every question was answered. The ever stoic Shiki had to lean against the wall and bite his lip to stay quiet while a grinning Ichijou covered Yuuki's mouth to stop her from laughing.

"Play some music Ken!" Kain/Barbie squealed. Everyone else nearly suffocated from holding back howls of laughter.

"Sure thing Barbie," Kain/Ken said. They heard the sound of a stereo being turned on and too late realized that it was only the music of _Barbie Girl _when Kain began to sing:

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_

Come on, Barbie, let's go party

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blonde bimbo girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dolly  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa 

Ichijou unconsciously squeezed Yuuki's head to control his own laughter and Shiki (who was trembling to control himself) had to pull him off.__

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  


Almost everyone was on the break of losing it by now. Kain? Who knew?

_  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh_

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

It ended and everyone began to breathe again. Kain shut off the music and continued playing.

That was when Aido walked by.

"What's so funny?" he whispered because even he could see that everyone was forcing themselves to be quiet.

"Listen," Rima said snickering.

Aido looked in the door and scowled.

"Akatsuki!" he yelled and Kain turned.

"Oh crap," he groaned.

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP PLAYING WITH MY ACTION FIGURES!!" Aido hollered furiously.

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That one was fun. Next is C in case you guys need to study your alphabet or something. Read and Review or Ken and Barbie will come and rape you!!


	3. C is for Chat

**Author's note: **I got the inspiration for this when I was talking to my friend on email and having a jolly good time. I don't own Vampire Knight and I apologize if I am accidentally using someones real screen name. I don't own much, do I?

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For reference:

**EmoKid: **Shiki

**IloveEmoKid: **Rima

**Sexii: **Aido

**EmoKid2: **Zero

**BunniesandRainbows: **Yuuki

**Kaname: **Kaname

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **Ruka

**ThisIsStupid: **Kain

**ChildGenius: **Yori

**Icankillu: **Seiren

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**Sexii: **is n e1 on?

**EmoKid2: **me

**EmoKid: **y the hell did u copy my screen name??

**EmoKid2: **i couldnt think of n e thing better

**ChildGenius: **i couldve

**EmoKid2: **i don't care!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **zero dont talk to yorichan like that!

**IloveEmoKid: **You arent suppose to use real names

**BunniesandRainbows: **y not rima?

**Sexii: **haha she did it again!

**Kaname: **are you making fun of her?

**Sexii: **oh shit

**Kaname: **shes my future wife!

**Sexii: **sorry kanamesama

**Kaname: **sorry doesn't cover it

**ThisIsStupid: **nice job cousin

**Icankillu:** I can kill him 4 u

**Sexii: **not fair!

**EmoKid2: **what makes Yuuki yours, kuran?

**BunniesandRainbows: **zero uses names too!

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **kiryuu is stupid cuz he hates kanamesama

**ChildGenius: **well that was a blow to the self esteem

**BunniesandRainbows: **how did u get an account on this anyway yorichan?

**ChildGenius: **you made it

**EmoKid2: **i can kick ur ass kuran

**Icankillu: **i can kick your ass kiryuu and i will too

**Sexii: **ur so screwed

**IloveEmoKid: **can i watch

**Kaname: **it really isnt necessary

_(Icankillu, Sexii, IloveEmoKid, EmoKid2 leave chat)_

**ThisIsStupid: ** I almost feel bad for kiryuu now

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **wtf? y do u keep doing that

**ChildGenius: **I think there is a bug in her computer

(_ThisIsStupid, EmoKid, BunniesandRainbows, ChildGenius, Kaname leaves chat)_

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **well this is lame

_(SexiiUrNotSexy leaves chat)_

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That was short and random but fun. Maybe I'll do a whole one shot of just IM…. Ready for D? As in the next chapter for those who didn't understand that. READ AND REVIEEEEWWWWWWW!!!


	4. D is for Dorky

**Author's note: **Last was C for Chat room. This one will be (dun dun dun dun!!) D stands for Dorky. I wonder if I could find that one in the dictionary….

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Aido sat on the steps frowning.

"What's wrong, Hanabusa?" asked Ichijou, who then plopped down right next to him.

"Ruka called me dorky," Aido said. Ichijou coughed back a laugh.

"So?" he asked

"What the hell is a dorky?" he demanded. Ichijou stared.

"I-well-I'm not sure," he said suddenly.

"Well that's not helpful!" cried Aido. He got up to go find someone who could help him define 'dorky' with Ichijou trailing not far behind him. He crossed paths with Kaname.

"Kaname-sama what's a dorky?" asked Ichijou quickly. Kaname stared at the other two.

"What does it matter?" he countered.

"Ruka called me a dorky and I can't think of a comeback if I don't know what it is," Aido whined. Kaname stared off into the distance in an I'm-thinking-so-don't-say-anything sort of way. Of course it was all fake and Kaname was just using that as cover because he had no friggin idea what the hell a dorky was. He sighed.

"I am not to be bothered with such things," he announced. "Go asked someone else."

Aido and Ichijou took off quickly and almost ran into Shiki and Rima. Aido wondered when they were ever separated from the other. I mean, seriously, did they take freaking _baths _together or some stuff like that? That's not the point! Aido reminded himself hastily.

"Ruka called me a dorky and I don't know what that is," he said very fast before they could leave. Rima and Shiki looked at each other totally bewildered.

"She called you a dorky?" Rima asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. Aido nodded. Suddenly Shiki snickered.

"What?" Aido demanded.

"I always knew there would be a day when Ruka would call you a name that you could reply to," Shiki said shaking his head. Aido scowled and stormed away and found Kain.

"Hey Akatsuki?"

"What is it, Hanabusa?" Kain sighed.

"Ruka called him a dorky," Ichijou said rolling his eyes.

"But she wouldn't tell me what a dorky was," Aido complained. Kain rubbed his temples.

"I'm sorry cousin but I don't know what a dorky is," Kain said finally.

Aido scowled. There had to someone…someone smart, who knew everything.

"Yori might now," he said suddenly. Ichijou heaved a sigh.

"Sun dorms?"

"Now."

It took a bit of searching and hiding from fan girls to find Yori. She was (of course) in the library, reading and taking notes for Yuuki to copy off of. She looked up and saw Ichijou and Aido looking highly irritated.

"Hello, Aido-senpai and Ichijou-senpai," she said formally. "Can I help you?"

"Tell me what a dorky is before this whole place turns into an ice rink!" Aido exclaimed.

"Ice rink?" Yori asked looking puzzled. Too late Aido remembered that Yori didn't know they were vampires. Or did she, he wondered. Yori was smart. She was going to figure it out eventually. He shook his head furiously. Again not the point. Maybe he had ADD…ah! There he went again.

"Never mind," he said exasperatedly.

"A dorky…" Yori murmured thoughtfully. Her eyes brightened and she chuckled. "Who called you dorky?" she asked him.

"How do you know someone called me a dorky?" Aido demanded. Yori repressed the urge to laugh and call him a stuck-up idiot.

"It's dorky and it's an insult," she corrected. Yori got up and whispered in his ear what dorky mean. Aido face contorted into something of rage and he took off after Ruka, leaving Ichijou sitting on the ground and Yori laughing.

"What did you tell him?" asked Ichijou.

"I told him it meant smelly old ugly fart," Yori said still smirking.

"Is that what it means?" Ichijou asked curiously.

"I don't think so," Yori said. Ichijou chuckled.

"So it could mean anything?" he guessed.

"Yes, but I have no clue what," Yori said.

Meanwhile, Aido had found Ruka sitting in the lounge staring out in space.

"I know what a dorky—uh I mean dorky means!" Aido announced. Ruka looked up.

"Do you now?" she said looking surprised.

"Yeah, and you're one, too!" he shouted. Ruka stared blankly.

"Was that honestly the best retort you could come up with?" she demanded. Aido nodded and stalked away.

_I wonder what a dorky is, _Ruka wondered to herself. Because she had called Aido a word she had made up in her head. Aido wouldn't know this for quite some time though, if ever.

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That was fun. Poor Aido, going around in search of a word no one knows. Ruka isn't very original though….Next up is E for…ha ha I'm not telling!! _**READ AND REVIEW PEOPLE**_!!


	5. E is for Earthworm

**Author's note: **A, B, C and D are now complete so we move to E which stands for Earthworm. I know I already used Aardvark which is an animal too but whatever.

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All was silent in the halls of the Night dorm until a petrified shriek came from Rima and Ruka's room. Ruka had sat up only to find an earthworm squirming next to her face, on its disgusting way to her beautiful hair. Rima sat up, prepared to kick some level E ass and saw the worm. She resisted the urge to scream like Ruka was doing and took three deep breaths and told herself to think.

_Just a worm. Just a worm. It's just a freakin ugly, sliming, gross, repulsive eww!! _Rima shuddered right when Kain came into the room looking ready to kill. Rima smirked, all thoughts of the worm forgotten.

_Ruka and Kain, sitting in a tree…wait. Do earthworms live in trees? Ugh! _And so Rima stopped smirking.

She watched Kain pick of the disgusting creature and toss it out the window. Ruka seemed to not have noticed and was still screaming like a banshee. Ichijou and Shiki entered the room to see Rima sitting on her bed staring out the window looking repulsed while also holding her ears and Kain struggling to calm down Ruka in a vain attempt to save everyone else's' ears.

Ichijou left to report that it was just a false alarm before the whole school was panicking. Shiki walked over to Rima's bed and sat down.

"What happened?" he asked but Rima couldn't hear so she shook her head and motioned to the door. They walked out the hall and Shiki repeated his question.

"What happened?"

"Freakin earthworm scared the hell out of Ruka," Rima said shortly, rubbing her sore ears. Shiki snorted. The screams had finally stopped and Rima looked thoughtful.

"I wonder who did—"she began slowly and was interrupted when the door slammed open and a very dangerous looking Ruka stormed out.

"Who did this?" she roared and Shiki and Rima cringed. Maybe Ruka was better when she was screeching.

"Hell if I know," Rima said shrugging. Three sets of eyes looked at Shiki.

"You can't honestly expect that _I _did this!" he snorted rolling his eyes.

"AIDO HANABUSA!" yelled Ruka and everyone near her shuddered. How could she still be so loud?

Aido walked sleepily up to Ruka.

"What?" he demanded.

"_Did you put a worm in my bed??" _she screamed. Aido's jaw dropped.

"That's what the screaming was about?" he asked incredulously.

"YES!" Rima, Ruka, Kain and Shiki all said loudly. Then Aido laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Seeing as it was Aido, it probably was, too.

"It wasn't me but when you find out who did, tell me," Aido chuckled.

"Why would you care?" snarled Ruka. Aido shook his head.

"I just want to send them a thank you card," he said and bounded off before with Ruka following, planning his murder.

Suddenly, Rima screamed. There was another earthworm. Only this time, it was in Rima's hair, so she couldn't be blamed for flipping out.

In a swift moment, Shiki pulled the crime-committer out of Rima's hair. He threw it out of a conveniently open window. There sure seemed to be a lot of those in this dorm…. The moment it was out, Rima's screaming stopped.

"We know it isn't Aido," she breathed heavily and Shiki patted her on the back.

"It's okay, Rima, just calm down," he soothed her only to be met with a sharp elbow in the gut.

"What was that for?" Shiki demanded indignantly.

"I'm fine," growled Rima. Kain shook his head.

"I think all girls get grumpy when scared," he said thoughtful. Rima snarled and prepared to murder Kain but stopped when she saw something big and ugly behind the would-have-been victim: it was another Earthworm. She yelped and jumped back into Shiki who rolled his eyes.

"What happened to 'I'm fine'" he asked mockingly. Rima let out a hiss of fury.

"Would you just get that thing OUT of here?" she snapped and Kain lit the poor creature on fire then stepped on it for good measure.

"I think we're facing an infestation," Shiki said matter-of-factly.

"What's infesting?" asked Ichijou who had just appeared. Rima, Kain and Shiki all grimaced.

"Earthworms," they said together and Ichijou shuddered.

"Okay, one is bad enough but more than one?" he said cringing. Rima nodded.

"We've already seen three," she said calmly. Ichijou grinned.

"How loud did she scream?" he asked Shiki as if Rima was even there. Rima wasn't held back this time and she successfully landed a painful punch to Ichijou face.

"You wanna say that again?" she hissed. Shiki smirked and Kain fought a smile. Yes, girls—or at least vampire girls—_did_ get grumpy when scared.

"I uh better and er go and ah get Ruka to stop uh her from killing Hanabusa and uh um…yeah," Ichijou rambled before running away. Rima snorted and muttered something that sounded a bit like 'wimp.'

Kaname walked over from the shadows.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Infestation," everyone said.

"How do you know?" Kaname demanded with something like fear in his voice. It couldn't be…was Kaname-sama afraid of simple but annoying organisms?

"There were a bunch of earthworms all over—"Kain began but froze when a nearby statue burst into tiny pieces.

"EARTHWORMS??" yelled Kaname and everyone else stared. No. Friggin. Way. He was actually _SCARED!_ Had it been anyone else, Rima, Kain and Shiki would've laughed and laughed hard. But it would be stupid—as an understatement—to laugh at Kaname-sama when he was in this sort of state.

"Earthworms? Where?" asked Ruka quickly when she appeared dragging a beaten-looking Aido with her.

"We are faced with an infestation," sighed Shiki.

Ruka paled and squeezed Aido tighter.

"What are we going to do Kaname-sama?" she cried. "Uh, Kaname-sama?"

for indeed Kaname had vanished, no doubt hiding in his emergency room. Rima snorted.

"Well, he's not going to be much of a help," she said irritably. Ruka's jaw dropped.

"So you're just going to sit back and watch them kill or eat us?!" she gasped. Aido grinned devilishly.

"Ya know Ruka, I saw a movie about this once," he told her. "Worms came and ate everyone." He looked thoughtful. His smile grew wider. "They started with the blonde pretty girls," Aido added and Ruka looked ready to pass out.

Rima slapped Aido furiously.

"Shut UP you freaking IDIOT!" she yelled at him.

"This isn't the time for you games cousin," Kain said quietly and Aido scowled.

"Fine but I say me and Shiki and Kain go after the little freaks and burn or freeze or uh, whatever you would call what Shiki would do to them," he grumbled and Shiki snorted.

"Rima's right," he said. "You are an idiot."

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Before you all try to burn me at the stake because I cut the thing off –cringes- right there lemme tell you my plan: I'm going to turn it into a fic of it's own so I can make it longer and more…interesting. I dunno when it'll come out but I promise it'll be within a week. READ AND REVIEW OR I'LL SET A BUNCH OF EARTHWORMS ON YOU!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


	6. F is for Finances

**Author's note: **Finally time to update! This time its F stands for Finances (something I don't have to worry about yet). I don't own Vampire Knight (much to my sadness) nor do I own the song Hit me baby one more time (Much to my relief).

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The Chairman had known when he opened the Cross Academy that it would be dangerous but this was beyond anything he'd ever dealt with. The numbers on the water bill was huge! Not big huge, no this was, HUGE huge. He gaped at it and Yuuki and Zero walked in at that moment.

"Help me my beloved daughter and son!" he cried at them and the two sweat-dropped.

"I'm not you son," Zero reminded him.

"Help with what Chairman?" asked Yuuki. It was not uncommon for her adopted father to act like this but she couldn't help but be concerned. But the Chairman was already rambling on.

"…And I had no clue things would turn out like this! How could this have happened? Who takes a five hour long shower and—"

"Did you say five hour long shower?" Zero interrupted. The Chairman nodded.

"Stupid Kuran," the ex-human snorted.

"What about Kaname-sama?" asked Yuuki her eyes growing large. To the other's surprise, Zero began to laugh. Not smirk or laugh bitterly but actually laugh. He laughed so hard his eyes began to tear up and he clutched his stomach.

"C-come to the Moon dorms with me," Zero gasped between laughs. He walked away, quickly followed by Yuuki and the Chairman. They entered the dorm to find everyone was holding their ears. A second later a screeching sound came from a few stories up and Zero snickered again while Yuuki and the Chairman covered their ears and winced.

"What is that?" Yuuki exclaimed.

"Kuran is in the shower," Zero cackled and made his way near to source of the screeching. As they neared the room sounds of shower water running and _words_ could be distinguished. Zero was now shaking with silent fits of hysteria and Yuuki and the Chairman pressed their poor ears to the door.

Then they heard it and Yuuki had to suppress a scream of horror. No way. She was being punked! Right? No Kaname was really singing his favorite song:

Oh baby, baby

**Oh baby baby, oh baby baby**

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know  
That something wasnt right here  
Oh baby baby, I shouldnt have let you go  
And now youre out of sight, yeah  
Show me how you want it to be  
Tell me baby cuz I need** to know now, oh because**

My loneliness is killin me (and I)  
I must confess I still believe (still believe)  
When Im not with you I lose my mind  
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!

Oh baby baby, the reason I breathe is you  
Boy youve got me blinded  
Oh pretty baby, theres nothin that I wouldnt do  
Thats not the way I planned it

Show me how you want it to be  
Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know  
Oh pretty baby, I shouldnt have let you go  
I must confess that my loneliness  
Is killin me now  
Dont you know I still believe  
That you will be here  
And give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

I must confess (my loneliness) that my loneliness  
(is killing me) is killing me now  
(I must confess) dont you (I still believe) know I still believe  
That you will be here (I lose my mind)  
And give me a sign...  
Hit me baby one more time!

Yuuki fainted and Zero caught her carefully, still laughing. The Chairman stared at the door.

"He does this for _five hours_??" the Chairman demanded and Zero nodded.

"His concert started a few hours ago so he'll be getting out anytime now," he said with a grin. The Chairman shook his head.

"I can't wait that long," he said and Zero backed away, realizing what the Chairman intended to do.

"_KANAME YOU GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME IN THERE!" _the Chairman hollered waving the water bill furiously.

Kaname opened the door part way so only his head was poking out.

"May I help you/" he asked briskly.

"Firstly, you should really take some singing lessons and secondly you are increasing this school's water bill at a disturbing rate," the Chairman said and Kaname raised an eyebrow.

"My singing is beautiful," he announced, totally ignoring the Chairman's last piece if information.

"That isn't the point!" the Chairman yelled. "The finances are the point!"

"But your singing really _does _suck, Kuran," Zero said from behind the stairs.

"How is my singing messing with finances?" demanded Kaname, totally unaware that the door was now fully open to reveal him in his 'My little pony' pajamas.

"Your showers are too long!" the Chairman said exasperatedly. Kaname scowled.

"Then I'm _leaving!_" he shouted pouting and stormed out of the dorm in his pajamas.

Three days later, Aido was channel surfing when he saw the Pureblood he admired singing in his horrible voice on live television, still in his pajamas. This is where six way phone calling, IM, picture messages and all other sorts of contact comes in handy. In mere minutes, everyone in the Cross Academy was watching Kaname sing and then be sent home to where he was met with a large bill from his flight there and back, his shower (the Chairman took Ichijou's advice and transferred the water bill of the Moon dorm to Kaname's account) and his pajamas which had been quite expensive for ones that were baby pink with a bunch of ponies on them.

Finances are a cruel thing that should burn in hell, Kaname decided as he stared at the very large pile on his desk. He looked around. He was going to have to sell quite a bit of his things to pay all of these off.

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I apologize if I have ruined Kaname for anyone and I also apologize for getting a bit off track when I got the poor vampire to sing in the shower. It was just too fun and at least finances were mentioned what, five times in this chapter. READ AND REVIEW!!


	7. G is for Glomp!

**Author's note: **For some odd reason, when I tried to post the 'G' chapter, I put up something else, so I'm re-writing in, and putting something else up! I don't own Vampire Knight!

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Aido was having a totally peaceful day (and was doing NOTHING wrong for a change) when he felt a sudden weight on his back. It made the playboy's knees buckle because it was so heavy and he fell to the ground ruining his perfectly white uniform.

"What the hell?" he cried. The weight vanished and Aido simply sat there, mentally scarred for life.

"Idol-senpai!" a crowd of fan girls shrieked and Aido jumped.

"Hey there ladies," he said in his smoothest voice. "I'd love to hang with you all, but I'm afraid I need to leave…"

Without another word, the blonde playboy set off at a run, only to crash into a thin figure who he saw was Yori.

"Oh," she said. "It's you."

"Something just attacked me and ruined my uniform!" Aido wailed as if the human girl in front of him gave a damn.

"I think you ruined it by wearing it," Yori mumbled and began to wander off. Yori was about to suffer from a very crappy day because Aido grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Oh no," he growled. "You're going to solve the mystery with me."

Had she been any other girl, Aido would've sweet talked her into it, but the pair had suffered a couple run-ins already and none of them had ended in the vampire's favor.

"Why?" Yori asked flatly.

"Because what if the Thing glomps you, too?" Aido demanded.

"Then I'll kill it."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"C'mon Yori-chan, we're gonna solve a mystery," Aido suddenly cried joyfully and dragged the petite girl away from her happy place.

"Nooooooooooooooooooo," Yori groaned quietly. If the playboy heard her, he said nothing. In twenty minutes the pair was dressed up as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

"I don't want to do this so why can't _I_ be Sherlock Holmes?" Yori asked irritably. Yori was usually quiet and calm but when Aido Hanabusa was involved…

"Because _you_ make a better _Watson_," Aido told her.

"Aido-senpai…" Yori began but trailed off, realizing there was no point to reasoning with the blonde idiot who was dragging her around campus. She was about to say something when something shoved her to the ground and she yelled out.

"I've been glomped!" she cried.

"Man down, man down! I'll save you Watson" Aido yelled and tackled the figure on top of Yori. Aido ripped the glomper off at the same time Yori decided Aido was way in the Sherlock Holmes cosplay thing.

"Shiki?" Aido asked looking puzzled. Shiki was drooling and pale.

"Pocky," he said, his voice raspy.

"Shiki! I told you to stay with me!" Rima yelled as she came running towards them. She put a collar on Shiki and clipped a leash on the collar.

"Thanks for finding him you guys," she said briskly and walked away, dragging a whimpering Shiki behind her.

"That was so…" Yori struggled for a word.

"Random?"

"Something like that."

"You wanna go out with me?" Aido asked quickly.

"Sure," Yori said. "As long as I get to be Sherlock Holmes."

"Fine," Aido said, secretly glad Shiki had gone on a pocky crash and glomped him. Only then did it occur to Aido that 'glomp' was not actually a word. Was it?

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That was short. Oh...Is glomp a word? Whatever works I guess…Review!


	8. H is for Happy Time

**Author's note: **Alright, so I got impatient in waiting for ideas and just racked my brain till I came up with one. I hope you people like this one cuz all that racking made my brain hurt! So here it is…H for Happy Time. Yeah, I know it's two words but you can all deal.

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Ruka stared at the TV and frowned.

"Rima what is this?" she demanded and she watched a group of people enter the room and set the 32" flat screen up. Rima rolled her eye.

"I told you, Ruka," she said impatiently. "It's our new TV."

"I know that!" snapped Ruka. "_I mean_ what the hell is it doing in our room?"

"I was tired of Shiki bragging about have cable and getting to watch Happy Time," Rima said airily.

"Excuse me?" Ruka asked raising a perfect eyebrow.

Rima stared at Ruka in horror. "You don't know Happy Time?!" she exclaimed and suddenly all the workers stopped and stared at Ruka incredulously.

"No." Well, Ruka never was one to beat around the bush. Rima frowned and stared into the distance as if she was thinking hard. She suddenly turned to the workers and snapped her fingers.

"Hurry up," she ordered and hurry they did and when they were done, Rima seized Ruka's arm and dragged her over to where the TV sat. She turned it on and—to Ruka's utmost horror—seven little, pink, fluffy bunny rabbits appeared on the screen. A strange tune accompanied them and Ruka knew immediately that it would be stuck in her head for days.

"Good morning children!" one chirped in a high pitched voice and almost automatically, Rima replied, "Good morning to you Skippy!"

Ruka gasped. This was absolutely horrible! The rabbits continued to speak to the viewers in disturbingly high voices and Rima always replied. Ruka swallowed. Happy Time? More like Horror Time, she decided and left the room, unnoticed by Rima who was chanting at the pink monsters on screen. Ruka quickly made her way to Shiki and Ichijou's room, fully believing that if anyone could help Rima it would be him. She opened the door and saw Ichijou and Shiki doing the same thing Rima had been doing: talking to those damned rabbits! Ruka swallowed a scream of frustration and slid away silently. As she had predicted (and now feared) the horrible theme song to Happy Time was stuck in her head.

Ruka walked down the corridors pondering on what to do when she thought of Kaname-sama. He could help, she knew and set off for where she thought he would be. The sound of the bunnies' voices rang out from his room and Ruka peeked her head in an inch to see Kaname-sama and Yuuki watching Happy Time, totally enthralled by the hideous fur-balls-from-hell. Ruka backed up. OK. That plan failed. Ruka frowned and continued to walk until she almost ran head first into Kiryuu. _YES_! she thought and a disturbing sense of relief was sent through her body. The ex-human wasn't glued to a TV or singing the Happy Time theme song! As a matter of fact, he seemed a bit disturbed himself.

"What's going on?" he demanded and for a millisecond, Ruka was a bit insulted and his forwardness. She shook her head and realized that this was not the time for such trivial things.

"I'm not sure but I think it has something to do with a show called Happy Time," Ruka said slowly. Kiryuu's eyes widened considerably.

"So it's caught them, too," he said in a hushed voice. Quickly, Kiryuu explained that Happy Time was a brainwashing show run by evil bunnies, hell bent on taking over the world.

"What about Akatsuki and Hanabusa?" Ruka asked worriedly. Kiryuu let out a noise that sounded like a mix of a snort and a sigh.

"They're probably turning into slaves of the bunnies as we speak," he said carelessly and Ruka narrowed her eyes.

"We have to go after them!" she declared and Kiryuu scowled.

"No time," he said firmly but Ruka had her mind set so he quickly gave in.

"If they're brainwashed we get straight out," he ordered and Ruka nodded. They made their way to Kain and Aido's room and to Ruka's relief, they were both sitting and staring out the window with a blank stare in their eyes.

"You're alright!" Ruka cried happily and the other two vampires turned to look at her.

"Of course we are," Kain said sounding slightly confused.

"There are evil bunnies after us," she said quickly and walked to the door beckoning for them to follow. But they did not and that was when it hit Ruka. The blank stares, the robotic, empty sound in her childhood friend's voice. They had been brainwashed. As Kiryuu and Ruka turned to dart out the door she heard the television switch on.

"Grab anyone who is left and have them watch us!" said a chirpy voice that could only belong to one of the bunnies from Happy Time.

"Yes, Skippy," Kain and Aido said. Before, any escaping could be done, the door was blocked, by Yuuki, Kaname, Rima, Shiki and Ichijou who held ropes and two chairs.

"Yes, Skippy," they all said in unison. "We obey you master." Ruka and Kiryuu looked at each other desperately. Without a word they were tied and placed in front of the TV.

"Watch," Shiki ordered firmly and Ruka shut her eyes. No way in hell were these mutants getting _her._ Someone held Ruka's eyes open and she felt an odd sensation to obey these cute little rabbits' every wish. After all, they were so cute, what could that stupid ex-human have been thinking when he called them evil. Her eyes glazed over and she gave in to the bunnies.

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That was a short one but in my defense, there's only so much you can put when typing about evil bunnies and brainwashing. The ending was deliberate and I will leave what happens after to the readers imagination. DON'T GET BRAINWASHED!! But feel free to read and review. If you don't the evil bunnies will come and eat you! Or not but whatever.


	9. I is for Iceland

**Author's note: **Whee!! I feel so smart for coming up with this word because I don't think any of you could've thought of it! Ha! OK so maybe you could have but just lemme have my happy moment…. Time for: I is for Iceland! This isn't going to turn out like some sort of geography lesson because I don't know anything about Iceland…not that I need to for this.

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Aido stared at his packed bag and map he held in his hand. There was no other option that he knew of. Aido had to run away. To Iceland! Seriously, this place was killing him, with all the drama and stuff, but the worst thing possible had happened today:

–Flashback-

"_Hello, Ladies!" Aido called cheerily. Suddenly, he noticed that no one was looking at him. They were all staring at…his cousin! Why, Aido thought, why must fate turn on me in such a terrible way?!_

_He wasn't being over dramatic! No way. This was a major crisis. So Aido stared at the ground, ignoring the thudding pain that coursed through his perfect—and better than Akatsuki's!—body as he walked to class. And although he was walking slowly and his pout was obvious, no one asked him what was wrong! _

-Flashback ends…that was a seriously short flashback…-

Aido gritted his teeth. If Akatsuki wanted all the fan girls fine! Aido would leave and find new fan girls!! Better ones, that didn't ditch you! Maybe the penguins would fawn over him… Were there penguins in Iceland? The map didn't say much. But oh well! Anywhere is better than here!

Aido glanced at his farewell note and sighed. It was the most beautiful literature he'd ever written and he wouldn't be around to accept the praise. Assuming they gave him any. They'd probably be too busy staring at Akatsuki to realize how stunningly fantastic this small note was! It went like this:

_Dear all,_

_I am almost sorry about leaving you, but I doubt any of you care. This is NOT a suicide note! _

_This is a farewell note so all of you feel bad that you have driven me away!_

_In case you are all wondering, my reason for leaving is that I am no longer loved. No!_

_All the love that should be mine belongs to Akatsuki. What did I do wrong?_

_Was my beautiful, golden hair not quite put in the proper position? _

_Did I not wave with my right hand, using my left instead?_

_Why must fate have turned on me like this?? WHY?_

_Anyway, I want you all to know that I am not telling you where I am so you can't find me!_

_Iceland is better than Japan anyway…. Like I said, you will never figure out that I'm going to Iceland._

_Good bye my former friends!_

_Sincerely,_

_Aiohdkbsakjbd_

At the last part, Aido's handwriting had gotten illegible so we must all presume it is what it we it to be.

"Hanabusa?" Ruka asked uncertainly from his doorway.

"What?" he asked miserably.

"A fan girl sent you a letter," she informed him and Aido jumped up. Maybe he wasn't unloved! Maybe he could stay!

"Read the first line!" he said excitedly and Ruka raised an eyebrow but read"

"'Dear, Idol-senpai, or should I say Aido-senpai? I am sorry but I am falling in love with your cousin. I'm sorry but I'—"she read but Aido raised a hand to his heart and she stopped.

"Please read no farther!" he exclaimed and Ruka rolled his eyes.

"You are depressingly gullible," she told him. Aido glared at her and ice crawled up the wall next to the cruel vampire. Didn't she know he was running away because of this?

"I don't _want _to know what it really says!" he said and handed her his note which she read, a smile growing on her face until she was done.

"Why Iceland?" she asked him and he stared at her.

"How did you know I'm going to Iceland?" Aido gasped and Ruka bit back a laugh.

"A lucky guess," she said smirking and Aido snatched away the note and was walking away with it when he remembered that this letter was for the others of the Night class. And for what it was worth, Aido was rather curious to what the note said. He walked back and he and Ruka switched notes, the one addressed the Aido he read himself. Ruka had been right on track except for that instead of 'your cousin' is was 'Shiki-senpai' which wasn't much better, Aido decided. At least Akatsuki looked a little bit like him! Shiki…not so much.

Aido sighed dramatically. How he loved theatrics one might suppose.

"Hey!" Ruka called to him if you really want to know the reason people are changing who they are proclaiming their love to, you should check this out." She handed him a slip of paper saying, 'YouTube, Aido drunk with a blonde chick'. Aido blinked once and dashed to the computer in his room, found YouTube and looked up the odd titled video. To his humiliation, it was actually there and he—almost reluctantly—clicked on it.

And there was Ichijou—with Aido's video-camera!—whispering and walking quietly down the halls of the Moon dorm to Aido's room followed by everyone else in the Night class, along with Yori, the Chairman and Yuuki. Well, this wasn't good, he thought and his assumption only got worse when he heard Ichijou say, "Hanabusa, when you watch this remember that they are forcing me to do this as a punishment."

Aido swallowed. Oh yeah, that time he made them all drunk and video-taped it. Crap. They all claimed they'd let him off _this _time and Aido had been so relieved to be alive that he hadn't thought much of it. Only now was he realizing what a mistake that was. The door opened a crack and the screen switched from Ichijou to Aido and a random blonde girl whom he didn't recognize having a pillow fight. A freaking pillow fight!

Aido resisted the temptation to shut up off the computer and continued to watch his down fall as the Aido on screen drank and spilled his every secret, played truth or dare, dressed up in make up and a frilly dress, and pretty much every humiliating thing imaginable. When it was done, Aido closed the screen and walked out of his room, almost running into a grinning Ruka standing in front of every else who had been present during the filming.

"Uh, will a heart-felt apology get you to delete that video?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

The word rang around the room firmly and Aido winced.

"Iceland here I come," he said but the back of his shirt was grabbed by his cousin.

"You aren't going anywhere," Kaname told him stoically. "Your plane has been cancelled, all money moved—"

"—so you have no where to go," Ruka finished softly, malice filling her voice. Anger issues much? Not really.

"Don't worry, Hanabusa, we put all your stuff away," Ichijou said pleasantly and the statue next to him froze over.

Next time he tried to totally humiliate the Night class, Aido decided he would have no accomplices. _Especially _traitorous ones like Ichijou!

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The part about the YouTube video probably doesn't make sense to anyone who hasn't read Why Not To Drink, but I got a review saying that I should make a fic about Aido's punishment. I hope this works for you, Kar~Kar, because this chapter is now dedicated to you because when the whole drinking came in I thought of you and that was my inspiration. It would have been about 400 words if it weren't for you so anyone who enjoyed this chapter should give her a hand. READ AND REVIEW!


	10. J is for Jello

**Author's note: **Wow it's been a really long time since I updated and I'm very, very sorry. Anyway, this chapter was inspired by ankoku-uchiha so all of you should be happy that she read my story and reviewed it. See? Reviewing stories _are _worthwhile! And again, I don't own Vampire Knight or any other anime out there…YET!! J stands for Jello!!

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They were having jello for dinner. Yes _jello_! Who the hell is lazy enough to give their kids jello?? Well, the Chairman obviously, because Yuuki and Zero were staring at neon purple jello and oh lord was it breathing?

"It's my special recipe!" the Chairman insisted and Zero snorted.

"Yeah, I bet!" he said unenthusiastically and he grabbed his jello and left. As he was about to throw the disgusting substance away, he realized how fantastic it would look on the back of Kuran's head. Zero cackled like an old witch.

"Just wait, Kuran!" Zero informed the bowl. "It's coming!"

What Zero didn't know, was that at that second, Kaname himself was looking at jello the Chairman had been 'kind' enough to bring for him. He was contemplating on throwing it away or braving it when he thought of Kiryuu and how annoying that little silver-haired, Yuuki-stealing etc. was and how the purple probably wouldn't come out of his hair for _ages_.

As immature as his new plan was, Kaname was always so serious it was fine for him to act a little childish every once and a while…right?

As he wondered whether this was a good idea or not, something wet and gushy hit him in the face. It dripped down and stained his _FRESHLY PRESSED-AND-CLEANED UNIFORM!!_

Kaname ran to the open window and saw a silver flash of hair.

Kiryuu was so gonna pay for this, he decided as he picked up his own bowl of jello. He didn't even bother changing out of his now purple and white uniform so we can all imagine the reactions of all the other night class students as he darted out the building like it was on fire.

When he found Kiryuu, the blonde ex-human was hiding in a tree, completely oblivious to Kaname's presence. That was until his hair became covered in jello.

His malicious grin vanished replaced by a snarl.

"It's going to take half a bottle of my special shampoo to get this crap out!" he yelled. "Do you know how friggin expensive it is?"

"Do _you _know how expensive it is to get your clothes as clean as mine?" Kaname hollered back. The two were quite unaware that pretty much everyone was watching them. Some where even recording. YouTube time!! YouTube ends up in a lot of these now doesn't it….

"I hate you!" Zero yelled.

"I hate you more!" Kaname yelled back.

At the same time both immature losers ended up with the other jello all over them.

"Man, I thought this would be more of an Aido Kain thing," Shiki muttered to Rima who snorted.

"They are over there," she said pointing behind them where Aido and Kain were throwing large amounts of vanilla pudding while Ichijou cried at them not to waste it!

"And if they weren't being so immature, this could be filmed by Aido himself," Ruka sniffed. She let out a horrified scream when a single drop of pudding landed in her hair.

Aido and Kain froze then ran as the furious beauty took off after them.

It was then Kaname and Zero finally realized they were being watched. Zero swore loudly and dumped the rest of his jello on Kaname, then ran before there could be any retaliation.

Heh heh. Kaname can never win.

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That was a short one but my mom gave me fifteen minutes on the computer and now I have two sooooo…read and review and I'll try to update sooner!


	11. K is for Knitting

**Author's note: **It's been forever since I've updated because I couldn't come up with a K word that clicked!! It was painful, I gotta tell you. But here it is: knitting!! How I failed to think I this I will never understand. And I don't own Vampire Knight or any of its characters. As usual, no one will be doing what they should be doing.

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"Hey Zero!" Yuuki said happily bouncing into his room. "What are you doing?"

Zero's eyes grew wide and he hurriedly shoved whatever he was working on behind him.

"Nothing! Go away!" he said hastily. Yuuki blinked. Zero wasn't acting like himself and the girl was officially determined to find out why.

"What's going on, Zero-kun?" Yuuki asked sweetly.

"Nothing!"

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Tell me!

"No!

"Tell me!"

"NO!!" Zero shouted. Yuuki took a deep breath.

"TELL ME!!" she all but screamed. Zero scowled darkly.

"You can't tell anyone, OK?" he groaned, fully prepared to give in.

"I promise," Yuuki said innocently.

"I was knitting," Zero growled.

"You…knit?" Yuuki asked slowly. It started as a little laugh, but grew until she was in hysterics.

"It's not funny!" snapped Zero and Yuuki contained her laughter into a large grin.

"Sure it isn't," she assured him.

"But you _can't tell anyone!" _Zero said firmly.

"I won't, I won't," Yuuki promised and Zero pulled out his knitting things a continued to work on the scarf he was making.

Yuuki backed out of the room slowly and took of down the hall until she was as far away from Zero's room as she could be before she could no longer control herself.

"I…can't…believe…he…KNITS!" Yuuki laughed loudly.

"Who knits?" Aido asked, sneaking up behind Yuuki.

"Zero-kun!" Yuuki laughed, oblivious to the fact she was spilling out Zero's deepest, darkest secret the second person in the world who despised him most—Kaname takes the cake in the I-hate-Zero-more-than-anyone category. Aido's eyes lit up brightly, with a danger that one could only call…A PLAN!!

"That's wonderful to know, Yuuki-chan," Aido said delightedly and all but danced away in glee.

The blonde vampire took out a black pen a piece of paper and began to scribble.

It was a flyer for a knitting club.

"Just wait, Kiryuu!" Aido snickered. "I'm going to spread your secret to EVERYONE! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!"

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X**

Zero picked up a piece of paper with the words "KNITTING CLUB" big and black at the top.

"Can't be that bad to check out," he mumbled to himself. "I'll just…go incognito."

And so he did. Three hours later, Zero, was sporting large glasses **(A/N the kind you would see on an oompa-loompa)**, a large scarf he had made himself and a huge trench coat that would fit someone three times bigger than Zero perfectly. Grabbing his bag full of knitting things, he walked towards the classroom where the 'knitting club' meeting was taking place. He opened the door and there stood Rima, carefully working on a beautiful piece.

"What are _you _doing here?" Zero demanded.

"Knitting," she replied simply and continued on with her work.

"Alright then," Zero grumbled, slowly taking off his disguise. As soon as he was fully revealed, Aido jumped out with a camera.

"Say cheese!" he shouted and took a picture.

**THREE DAYS LATER**

"Who knew that he actually _knitted_," a girl whispered to her friend and they both stared at Zero who scowled furiously.

"Take a picture!" he snapped. 'It'll last longer!"

"But there is a picture, Kiryuu," Aido pointed out as he walked by.

Zero could only glare. He looked around at the million copies of him with his knitting basket that were stuck all around the school. _Somehow _a certain _someone _had put the pictures to the walls and they weren't coming off, because not only was there something like _ice_, there was a lifetime supply of glue used.

Zero decided he would never knit again.

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X**

And I'm done!! Reviews are good, good, good!!


	12. L is for LOL

**Author's note: **Now for the letter 'L' which stands for…**LOL! **No, I'm not kidding. Where did this come from? I have no clue, but whatever, it's my story after all. But what (obviously) isn't mine would be Vampire Knight…yet! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…Ok I'm done. ON WITH THE STORY!!

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Rima and Shiki sat under a shady tree, wearing identical expressions of boredom. Rima pulled out a box of pocky and stuck one in Shiki's mouth, then grabbed another and ate it herself. Suddenly, they heard a laugh giggle from near them. They ducked quickly and watched in fascination as a Day class girl and her friend strolled along the grounds.

"And he was like 'WTF?' and I was all like, 'LOL' and then he was all like—" was all of the conversation the two heard before the voices faded.

"LOL?" asked Rima uncertainly, looking at Shiki for an answer. Her companion shook his head.

"I don't know," he said and frowned. When someone doesn't know something, by default, they want to know what they don't know.

"Well…who _would _know?" Rima asked impatiently, drumming her fingers on Shiki's knee.

"I'm not going to ask one of those Day Class girls," Shiki warned his childhood friend and Rima smirked slightly.

"I wouldn't make you do that," she promised. "I like your face the way it is."

Shiki scowled.

"Maybe Aido will know," Rima said thoughtfully.

"Why?" asked Shiki incredulously. Rima shrugged.

"Why not?"

"Don't tell me you forgot what happened last time we asked that idiot a question," Shiki groaned. Rima winced at the memory.

"That girl is probably one of his fan girls and since he spends so much time around them, maybe he's picked up on their 'language'" Rima insisted. Shiki bit his lip.

"True," he admitted and Rima grinned at her obvious victory. She replaced her grin with a stoic expression identical to her companion's and without another word they set off in search of Aido.

_This isn't going to end well,_ Shiki grumbled mentally.

_It never does, _Rima pointed out. They made their slow way to Aido's dorm room only to hear sounds coming out of it. On closer hearing range, words were distinguishable.

"Hello ladies! Did you dream of me last night?" Aido asked. Rima and Shiki shared a bewildered glance.

"I'll shoot you with my love gun! Oh damn it that sounds lame!" his voice rang out again irritably. Rima bit back a snicker and proceeded to kick the door open before the blonde playboy could lose any more of his dignity. Shiki sighed at Rima's shamelessness, but followed after the orange haired girl anyway.

"WAAAAAAAHH!!" Aido cried in terror. He hastily stood in front of his full sized mirror where he was apparently practicing for the Day class girls.

"What does 'LOL' stand for," Rima asked flatly. She wasn't really ever one to beat around the bush….

Aido stared blankly.

"Excuse me?" he asked, running a hand through his blonde hair, struggling to regain his composure.

"We heard some girl mention LOL and we want to know what it means," Shiki repeated. Aido's baby-blue eyes widened.

"That…is…well, you see…it means…" he stumbled over the words. Aido was a genius and not being able to answer a question without ease bothered him to no extent.

"I told you he wouldn't know," Rima growled at Shiki as if it had been his idea to ask the playboy in the first place.

"I know what it means!" Aido snapped defensively.

"Then, pray, do tell us," Rima purred and Shiki fought back a scowl.

"It stands for, uh, Idol-senpai Is Hawt!" he declared. Rima and Shiki shared a glance.

"Thanks for telling us, we will be on our way now," Shiki said quickly and grabbed Rima's arm, all but dragging her out the door.

"Well that was helpful," Rima said dryly and Shiki snorted.

"You think so, Rima?" he asked sarcastically. The most amusing thing about Shiki and Rima was that only alone did they express _anything_ but sloth, distance and boredom. But since they were alone, Shiki was perfectly free to allow sarcasm to practically drip off of his words as the two made their way to find someone possibly more helpful than Aido Hanabusa.

"All the same, we need to find someone who would know," said Rima, frustration evident in her eyes.

"Ichijou might know," Shiki said quietly. Rima nodded.

"Let's find Ichijou-san and—"

"Heeeeeeeeey there Rima-chan and Shiki!" the blonde vampire said, appearing out of no where.

"Hello," the other two said at the same time.

"I heard my name," Ichijou said, completely stating the obvious.

"Do you know what LOL is?" asked Rima quickly. He is, after all, the one who told them what WTF was. The blonde boy scratched the back of his head.

"It sounds familiar, but I'm not sure," he said with a frown. "I'll tell you if I find out."

With that, he danced away a huge smile on his face. Rima and Shiki only stood there, wondering what the hell just happened.

"Jeez. This reminds me of the time Ruka called Aido a dorky and he went around trying to find out what that meant," Shiki said sounding slightly amused. **(A/N in reference to chapter D)**

"He never really found out, did he?" Rima asked. Shiki shook his head. "Ruka told him two days ago that it was a made up word." Shiki remembered Aido's face and almost laughed. Emphasis on _almost_. Rima shook her head almost sadly as the pair continued to walk aimlessly.

"Someday he'll learn," she said.

"Or maybe he wont," Shiki interjected and Rima sighed.

"You're probably right," Rima said thoughtfully and sat down. Shiki looked around and realized they were under the same tree they had been in the beginning. He wondered why they ended up there for a moment then decided all that thinking was making his brain hurt and let the subject drop.

"I'm bored, Rima," he complained.

"Then sleep," she replied and so Shiki did. Rima decided to stay up and eat pocky, but watching Shiki sleep was making her so tired (and it was also making her shoulder sore because his head was so damn heavy) and she ended up closing her eyes and falling asleep, too.

"Hey guys! I know what LOL is! It stands for—" Ichijou began as he made his way to his friends. But when he saw them sleeping, he smiled. "I'll tell you later."

But he forgot so Shiki and Rima never learned was LOL was.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………**..**

I was going to make that a lot longer, but I got lazy and decided to make them go to sleep instead. Besides, you all know what LOL is: Little. Old. Lady! That was a really bad joke, just so you know. _**REVIEW!!**_


	13. M is for Mouse

**Author's note: **Oh damn. It's been a long time since I updated T.T But it took me forever to figure out how to write the one I was originally going to write and then I realized that this would be even better! What is it you may ask? Look under the line of M's. It's in bold, underline and italics. My old account xlunardemonx (the one this story was from originally) had a story called Mouseophobia (MY VERY FIRST EVER FIC!!). Anyway, if you can find it, this is kinda like a sequel. It doesn't matter _too_ much whether or not you read it…but you should because then you'll get some of my stupid puns. I wrote _awesome_ VK fics on there…Ah, and if you wanna review any of 'em you need to PM me on this one instead cuz I can't get on that one…. If you read them anyway. Whatever...I'm babbling. Ignore me.

**Disclaimer: **Do. Not. Own. Vampire Knight.

**Warning: **Prepare for total, outrageous OOC-ness

_**MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**_

_**(IS FOR MOUSE)**_

All was peaceful and silent. The wind was blowing lightly, not at all disturbing the absolute serenity of—

"HELL NO!!"

"Shhh!!" Rima whispered and cuddled a small rodent in her hands. She had asked Kaname if he was OK with her keeping a mouse and, well, he hadn't had the response Rima had been hoping for.

The situation would've been laughable if it weren't for the fact that a room full of vampires isn't funny. Kaname was on the coffee table wearing his fuzzy pink bathrobe; Shiki was cowering on one of the nearby chairs with Aido on the other; Kain was standing with a look of pure fear on his face while Ruka clung to his back. Ichijou was long gone as he had darted from the night dorms as soon as the monster came in sight, braving the deadly fan girls over the mouse.

"I'm tired of people bringing disgusting animals into this place!" Ruka shouted and Rima looked hurt.

"Mr. Squeakers didn't do anything to you," Rima said defensively. She refused to let go of the mouse that had once chewed a hole through Kain's boxers.

"It ate my favorite boxers!" Kain objected. Rima sighed. Only he would remember that.

After throwing the poor mouse out the window Rima had escaped the room of thankful vampires, found the mouse and christened him Mr. Squeakers. She hid him in her room for about a month then decided it was time to show everyone her secret pet.

"That was forever ago," Rima said dismissively. A thought seemed to hit Ruka.

"That's what's been pooping on my uniform!!" she shrieked and Rima winced. Then the mouse clawed up Rima's shirt and tumbled down under it. Shiki closed his eyes and counted to ten.

_I will not be jealous of a mouse. I will not be jealous of a mouse. I will not be jealous of a mouse that is now inside Rima's shirt…yup. I'm totally jealous._

_SHIKI YOU PERVERT! _Rima mentally scolded him.

_Sorry…_ Shiki thought guiltily.

"Mice are nasty!" Ruka snapped and Kaname let out a little squeal when Mr. Squeakers popped his head out of Rima's shirt.

Rima rolled her eyes at Kaname's childishness. Where was the pureblood leader? Gone because of a tiny mouse! Although Rima had to cut him some slack since all vampires are afraid of mice. It's one of the few things they don't tell you in _Twilight. _Rima was admittedly the freak by loving the mice, but it wasn't her fault the things were so damn cute!

"No they aren't!" Rima said crossly. "They're just…misunderstood!"

"We'll never be able to get along with them," Aido said irritably, thinking of the possible ways the mouse could ruin his image.

"Why not? We could live together, mouse and vampire, side by side if we just _tried!" _Rima said trying to be diplomatic.

"No!" Ruka shouted and squeezed Kain tighter. He let out a little squeak at a mixture of the pain and at the awful sight of the mouse.

"_Squeak!" _Mr. Squeakers said indignantly before crawling back down Rima's shirt. The strawberry-blonde vampire barely noticed.

Rima stared at everyone while they glared at her chest where the mouse resided and she realized that they could never accept her attachment to Mr. Squeakers.

"Fine!" she snapped. "I'm running away!"

And so Rima left behind her past with Mr. Squeakers by her side. Well, more like in her shirt, but that wasn't exactly the point.

"Looks like it's just you and me now," Rima said to the mouse and it crept slowly out of her shirt. People walking by stared at her and the little brown mouse on her shoulder

"Rima," someone said from behind her.

"What is it Shiki?" Rima asked with a sigh, her large cerulean eyes sad. Her childhood friend kept his distance when he saw the mouse on her shoulder.

**(WARNING: THIS PART IS RIDICULOUSLY OOC!!!!!!!!!!)**

"Me or the mouse, Rima," Shiki said softly. Sad music began to play in the back round and then the rain came. Mr. Squeakers went down under Rima's shirt to protect himself and tears filled Rima's eyes.

"Why can't I have you both?" she cried.

"It shouldn't be that hard of a decision," Shiki said, his mop of reddish-brown hair flopping in his eyes. It was a classic moment. The girl, the boy, the mouse: a severe love triangle that was about to be settled in the rain.

Barf.

"You just don't understand him!" Rima said tearfully and Shiki frowned.

Then Rima pouted. It was key, always worked on Shiki and was Mr. Squeakers' only hope.

"I guess…we…could make an exception," he grumbled and Rima squealed and was about to jump in his arms when she remembered she had a mouse in her shirt and pulled back just in time to save it.

Unfortunately for Shiki, he had his arms open and had been leaning forward so he toppled over when Rima pulled back.

"Let's go back," Shiki said wearily, after he got up, hoping against hope that he wasn't making a huge mistake by doing this. He was. But Rima was worth it as usual.

_I wonder if I can kill the mouse without Rima noticing._

"DON'T LAY A FINGER ON MR. SQUEAKERS!" Rima roared furiously and a lightning bolt shot down on Shiki who then collapsed anime style. Rima glared and looked ready to send down another one.

Shiki was starting to curse the mental connection.

_Bring it on mouse, _he challenged mentally and he could've sworn he saw the mouse pop out, shoot him an evil look and duck back down.

_This is why vampires hate mice, _Shiki decided darkly. And so, the fight for Rima's heart between Mr. Squeakers and Shiki began.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

It's also where the chapter ends. Aren't I kind? Reviews anyone?


	14. N is for Nincompoop

**Author's note: **I'm gonna try to update faster on this fic so I'm writing these chapters out of order….anyway here's **N** which stands for…**Nincompoop**. This chapter refers to chapter D a couple times and also has a sort of Kain/Ruka theme-ish thing so…yeah.

**Disclaimer: **Me no ownie Vampire Knight

* * *

"Hey Ruka," Aido said gleefully as he darted up the cold beauty.

"What?" she asked irritably.

"You're a nincompoop!" the playboy said and darted away.

"Never in all my life have I ever been called such a—wait…" Ruka began to rage but calmed down when she realized something: she had no clue what a nincompoop was! That meant there was only one thing left to do!!!

"AKATSUKI!!!" Ruka yelled as loud as she could. In half a second, her childhood friend was by her side with his face in a frown.

"Yes?" was all he said.

"What's a nincompoop?" she demanded angrily as of it was _his _fault. Kain sighed, something he frequently did.

"I do recall Hanabusa being in a similar problem a while back," he said flatly.

"That was different!" Ruka snapped. Kain shrugged, another thing he spent most of his time doing. Kain decided that if he wasn't careful, he was going to waste his life away sighing and shrugging.

"If you say so, Ruka," he said, following the when-speaking-to-a-crazy-person-always-agree-with-them-for-fear-of-your-life rule he'd learned by being friends with Ruka for so long.

"I do say so!" Ruka said smugly.

"I know," Kain said.

"I'm always right."

"Sure thing."

"Because I'm a beautiful genius."

"OK then."

"Now let's go find out what a nincompoop is," Ruka said bossily and began pulling him around campus.

"Why don't we just go ask Hanabusa?" Kain asked wearily.

"No!" Ruka shouted because she was waaaaaaayyy to proud to do anything of the sort. Then she paused. And smiled. And Kain all but peed his pants he was so afraid.

"What are you thinking?" Kain asked her worriedly. He knew this look. It was a very, very, very, very bad look. It was the look Ruka got when she had an idea and was going to use Kain as a major part of it. And those plans _never ever, ever, EVER _ended well. Not for Kain anyway.

Ruka whispered her plan in his ear and Kain groaned. Go figure. It was times like these when Kain wished he didn't follow the when-speaking-to-a-crazy-person-always-agree-with-them-for-fear-of-your-life rule. In fact, it was times like this he wished he'd never learned it.

But it was also in times like this when Kain was so painfully reminded about how even if he didn't follow the when-speaking-to-a-crazy-person-always-agree-with-them-for-fear-of-your-life rule, he was too in love with Ruka to ever deny her anything.

"Damn it all," Kain muttered. He shrugged and sighed at the same time, not a very good sign.

"You'll do it right?" Ruka asked in a non-questioning sort of way.

_No._

"Yes," Kain said aloud.

"I'm glad."

_I'm not._

_"_Sure thing," Kain said quietly.

"You always do what I say," Ruka observed. "Why?"

_Because I love you._

"Because I have nothing better to do."

"Oh. OK then…" Ruka said in a sadder tone. Kain didn't bother to wonder why. Stupid, stupid Kain.

"I'll meet you here in about and hour," Kain told her before moving along to do exactly what Ruka told him to, just like he always did.

* * *

"Ichijou," Kain called out to the blonde idiot.

"Yes?" he responded with a huge smile on his face. Ichijou had been having a forced conversation with Rima before Kain unknowingly saved him. Rima had been allowed to keep Mr. Squeakers but that didn't mean the mouse still didn't scare the crap out of him. It still scared Kain as well so when he saw it he pulled Ichijou away in a failed attempt to be casual.

"Let's talk over there," he said pointing all the way across the hall. Ichijou nodded gratefully.

"Sounds good," he said looking relieved. The two vampires all but ran away and Rima rolled her eyes.

"Idiots," she mumbled and walked away.

"Where did you and Hanabusa go to find out what a dorky was?" Kain asked quickly.

"Sayori, but—" Ichijou said, but before he could continue to warn Kain that Yori had lied, Kain had darted off to find her.

When he found Yori, he was panting heavily from hiding from all the fan girls.

"What's a nincompoop?" he asked hastily. He was running out of time. Yori stared. She'd heard from Yuuki that the vampire before her had a thing for Ruka who had a thing for Kaname. Yori felt bad for Kain and his one-sided obsession so she decided to be nosy and play matchmaker because it's OK to do it every now and then. Yori frowned.

"Who called her that?" she asked.

"Hanabusa," Kain said and Yori almost snorted. Almost.

"How predictable," she said wryly. "So you want to know what a nincompoop is."

"Yes, I do," Kain told her, hoping she'd give him an answer quickly.

"It's someone who's secretly in love with someone else who loves them," Yori lied. "Now go confess to her."

With that, Yori all but kicked Kain out of the library.

"It's not very nice to lie, Yori-chan," Aido said coming out of the shadows. Yori almost jumped. Almost.

"He'll thank me later," Yori said and tried to return to her book. Unfortunately for her, Aido was bored and wanted to annoy her and had plans to do just that...but that's another story.

* * *

Kain rushed back to his meeting spot where he was going to see Ruka and decided he was going to toast anyone who interrupted him.

"Akatsuki," Ruka said sharply. Kain jumped, twirled around and saw Ruka was there.

"You're late," she told him.

"Sorry," he said sincerely.

"I have something I need to tell you," Ruka said. Over the past hour she had been pondering on things (such as _feelings)_ and decided it was now or never.

"So do I," Kain told her. His nerves were eating him alive and he wanted to get what he was trying to say out before he wimped out.

"I love you," they both said before the other could say anything, a plan that always fails.

"Me too!" another thing they said at the same time. See? The plan _always _fails!

"Ah, so Yori was right!" Kain said happily. Well, happily for Kain anyway, because if Kain was happy by regular standards…well that would just be _wrong._ For once in his life he didn't shrug, nor did he sigh. Instead, Akatsuki Kain smiled.

"About…?"

"What a nincompoop is," Kain explained.

"Alright, so what's a nincompoop?" Ruka asked. Just as Kain was about to answer he pause because he'd forgotten.

"I don't remember," Kain said feeling puzzled. He'd just known but now he didn't…

"Well that's not the point," Ruka said and after that the whole nincompoop incident was completely forgotten by everyone except for Aido who was only a little grumpy that his plan to get Ruka back for calling him a dorky had completely failed, just like the majority of his plans do because Aido is just one of those people.

* * *

Is nincompoop a real word? I really need to find some real words…ah well. **Review!**


	15. O is for Olympics

**Author's note: **I went through about sixteen 'O' words before coming up with this…as usual. But in the end **O is for Olympics**!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight or the song Crazy Loop…but I did listen to that song on repeat on my iPod for a whole day!

* * *

Shiki and Rima walked outside to see Ichijou staring unhappily at the television.

"What's wrong?" asked Rima looking bored.

"I want to hold some form of Olympics here," Ichijou sniffled. The other two vampires exchanged confused looks.

"Olympics?" they asked together.

"Did someone say the O word?" asked the Chairman who randomly showed up. Now Shiki and Rima had the feeling something bad was going to happen.

"Can we please?" begged Ichijou, his green eyes huge and filled with tears.

"Of course!" Chairman said and Ichijou ran downstairs to tell everyone.

Naturally, no one was pleased. The complaints went as follows:

**Zero**: No way in hell.

**Ruka**: I'll get all sweaty!

**Rima**: I'm allergic to exercise

**Shiki**: Rima won't do it

**Aido**: I don't want to mess up my hair

**Kain**: I didn't fill for a complaint…

**Mr. Squeakers**: Squeak!

**Kaname**: My reasons remain confidential but I absolutely refuse due to serious problems.

Zero looked through the list of complaints and smirked at the majority of them.

"Face it, Kuran," he taunted. "You just fail at sports!"

Kaname glared.

"I do not," he growled.

"Do to!" Zero said laughing.

"Stuff it, Kiryuu," Kaname snapped and left. Zero grinned.

"I'm in," he said cheerfully.

"But your complaint says—" Aido began but Ichijou cut him off rather hastily.

"Good going, Kiryuu!" he said and slung an arm around the ex-human.

"Get off," Zero said darkly and Ichijou all but jumped away. Too much of Kiryuu and his happy spirit would be destroyed!

"Let's do this!" the Chairman said and so, despite the multiple complaints, the first ever Night Class Olympics began.

* * *

"This is absolutely ridiculous," Kaname grumbled. He was dressed in a cow suit as were Ruka and Shiki. The motive was for the three of them to race across the yard in oversized costumes. Kaname was right, it was very ridiculous, but then again, the planning was left up to Ichijou and the Chairman so……

"Remember Shiki, it's all for the pocky," Rima said firmly. She was right, just like Kaname. The winner of the Olympics won a life time supply of pocky.

"I'll try," he said and Rima scowled.

"Win or I'll kill you," she said dangerously. Mr. Squeakers let out a squeak of agreement before diving into Rima's shirt, something the orange haired girl seemed completely oblivious to. Shiki gritted his teeth at the sight. _Damn mouse_…, he thought irritably.

"Be nice to Mr. Squeakers," Rima said sharply just as the whistle…well, whistled because that is exactly what whistles do.

_This is so ruining my image, this is so ruining my image, this is ruining my image, _Kaname thought repeatedly as he ran.

_My hair is getting so messed up, my hair is getting so messed up, my hair is getting so messed up, _Ruka thought repeatedly as _she _ran.

_I hate that mouse, I hate that mouse, I hate that mouse, I swear to god I freaking HATE THAT MOUSE! _Shiki thought furiously and ran as fast as he could in his oversized cow suit. Which wasn't very fast to be honest. But he was much faster than both Kaname and Ruka. So he won the pocky, much to the disgruntlement of Mr. Squeakers. Shiki smirked as Rima hugged him. The mouse scowled…kinda. Because mice have a hard time scowling, Mr. Squeakers found himself at somewhat of a disadvantage.

The day continued with rather odd "Olympics" such as the bread buttering competition (challengers compete to finish buttering their bread first), wormy racing (everyone has to race from start to finish on their stomach), and piggy back swimming (nuff said?)

By the end, everyone was panting and glaring and exhausted.

"Time for the ending ceremony!" Ichijou yelled cheerfully. What all the unfortunate contesters had noted was that the blonde vampire had done no work whatsoever, something that agitated everyone.

"Just end it already," Zero grumbled furiously. He'd lost the pie eating contest to Kaname, something that he would hold against himself forever. Well…he had held it against himself until he beat Aido in the run-with-a-goldfish-and-make-sure-it-stays-in-the-tank race. All the same, Kuran defeating him had been a hard blow.

"I will be singing my favorite song ever!" Ichijou yelled happily and the crowd was dead silent. Somehow, Ichijou failed to notice this and started to sing the main chorus of his favorite song:

_And If you'd wanna take it back_

_You don't wanna take it back_

_You don't wanna take it back, my love_

_Don't you wanna love?_

_Babe,you don't wanna take it back_

_Don't wanna take it back_

_Back, back, back._

_They call me Crazy Loooop_

_Gotta gotta be crazy loooop_

_Gotta get a life_

_Oh, mom, I've trïed_

_Gotta gotta be lonely-lon-lon-lon._

_They call me Crazy Loooop_

_Gotta gotta be crazy loooop_

_Gotta get a life_

_Oh, mom, I've trïed_

_Gotta gotta be lonely-lon-lon-lon._

"That idiot is a freaking crazy loop," Ruka muttered and for once Zero nodded. Mr. Squeakers chose this moment to dart up onto the stage and bite Ichijou leg before he could continue singing.

"Good job, Mr. Squeakers!" Rima cooed looking pleased. The mouse smirked at Shiki. Or at least he tried. As it turns out, it's just as hard for mice to smirk as it is for them to scowl or make any facial expressions for the matter.

And so ended the first ever Night Class Olympics.

* * *

OK…that was strange. Anyway, I'm done and ready to move onto P! Ha ha ha…P…get it? Awwwww I'm so immature….whatever. Will you review for this little immature, soon-to-be high schooler author?


	16. P is for Pokemon

**Author's note: **earthlyXangelgave me the genius idea for this one a while ago so…P is for Pokemon!!

**Disclaimer: **I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE KNIGHT!! I have to put this on here 26 times! It hurts man! I don't own Pokemon either. And you know what else? I don't know squat about Pokemon so…I'm learning?

* * *

Kaname Kuran was having a particularly good day. He'd successfully pissed off Zero Kiryuu to the point where you'd think all his hair was going to turn gray—oh wait! It already was! Kaname chuckled at his little joke. Anyway, his day had been going very well.

But as things usually go at Cross Academy, good days don't usually last well for long.

"Pikachu I choose you!" someone yelled loudly and Kaname froze.

"Damn it Ichijou! I wanted Pikachu!" Aido shouted angrily.

"You can have Articuno," Ichijou said dismissively.

"But I don't _want_ Articuno," Aido argued.

"Well I chose Pikachu so you can just suck my—"

"Well I want Flareon," Rima interjected. Kaname listened to the ridiculous conversation from his spot by the window.

"Why?" Shiki asked. "Everyone knows Mantyke is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy cooler."

"But Flareon is cute!" Rima pointed out.

"Since when are you into cute things?" Shiki snorted.

"I think Nidoqueen is better than all of yours," Ruka sniffed.

Her declaration was met with silence.

"I'm all for the Dragonair," Kain said flatly.

Meanwhile, Aido had agreed to let Ichijou have Pikachu and was battling him as Rima and Shiki mentally debated about their own Pokemon.

Kaname rushed into the room and scowled.

"YOU'RE ALL RIDICULOUS!" he roared furiously and all was silent. Even Mr. Squeakers didn't let a single squeak pass. "My Igglybuff is way better than any of yours'!"

"But Igglybuff is just a baby," Ichijou recklessly pointed out.

"Yeah, but when he evolves into Jigglypuff, he's gonna be so cool!" Kaname insisted.

The Night Class let little shrugs of agreement and said small "eh"s and such.

"And then, when he turns into a Wigglytuff, you're all gonna be SO JEALOUS!!"

"Well now Kuran…I had not idea you were so obsessed," Zero said from the doorway grinning nastily. The worst part (well, for Kaname anyway)? Zero Kiryuu, had in his hands a video camera.

"Give. Me. That. Now," Kaname said slowly.

"No. Way. In. Hell," Zero replied in the same tone.

"Go kick his ass Igglybuff!" Kaname roared. Nothing happened. Zero laughed, because, well, what would _you_ do? Laugh? Yup, I thought so.

Anyway, the Night Class was watching in silence as Zero tore out of the dorm with their pureblooded dorm leader hot on his heels.

"Well…that was…" Ichijou began but trailed off for lack of better words.

"Interesting," Aido suggested.

"I guess," Ichijou said uncertainly then sighed.

A certain gloom set over them. Kaname and Zero had ruined the Pokemon mood. At least until Ichijou got a brilliant idea because it is always Ichijou or Aido who come up with genius yet idiotic ideas to either bring up the mood or completely destroy it.

"Let's do a sing-a-long!" Ichijou yelled. Suddenly, curly words popped up from under him and he started to sing, something the rest of the class began to think of when he sang during the Olypmics. At least until they saw the lyrics and realized it was THE BEST SONG EVER!!!!!!!!!!! On cue, everyone began to sing!

_I wanna be the very best,  
Like no one ever was.  
To catch them is my real test,  
To train them is my cause._

_I will travel across the land,  
Searching far and wide.  
Teach Pokemon to understand,  
The power that's inside._

_POKEMON! (GOTTA CATCH'EM ALL!)  
It's you and me!  
I know it's my destiny!_

_POKEMON!  
Ooooooh, you're my best friend,  
In a world we must defend._

_POKEMON! (GOTTA CATCH'EM ALL!)  
Our hearts so true,  
Our courage will pull us through.  
You teach me and I'll teach you._

_PO-KE-MON!  
Gotta catch'em all  
Gotta catch'em all  
Yeaaahh.._

Before the group was able to continue their singing, Kaname came back in cheering!

"I have the tape!" he roared victoriously. Just like that, the mood was killed again and all the singing stopped.

It was very, very sad.

So the rest of the Night Class Pokemon-ed Kaname out of the dorms and the Pokemon party continued. They eventually let him in on the condition he not ruin the mood and Kaname was very careful not to ruin it because no one in their right mind would miss out on a Pokemon Party, especially not Kaname.

* * *

Is it just me or is there a lot of singing in this fic? Ah well…anyway, again, I chose to be pretty mean Kaname…the ending was much worse for him but I felt really bad so I changed it. Anyway, before any of you bother to tell me that I must not know anything about Pokemon because I didn't mention this one or that one, you should probably know that the only Pokemon related thing I've ever seen was a movie at 3 A.M. so…. Oh whatever, Reviews anyone? Like mybe five? Please? It'll make me so happy....


	17. Q is for Queen

**Author's note: **I'm really looking forward to writing this one…**Q is for Queen!** And no, I don't mean the band.

**Disclaimer: **Vampire Knight? Mine? No. But I do own this story…does that count for anything at all?

* * *

Ruka groaned and rose out of bed with the elegance that came to her as naturally as breathing.

"Good morning, Ruka-sama," Yuuki said softly, appearing from no where. Ruka blinked.

"Wha…?" she asked sleepily. Last time she checked, Yuuki didn't refer to her as anything like this.

"The peasants are here to see you," Yuuki said respectfully. Confused, all Ruka could do was play along.

"Ah…which, um, peasants?" she asked carefully.

"Aido, Shiki, Rima…" Yuuki began listing and frowned. "Maybe some others. But their names aren't as important as yours Ruka-sama."

Ruka glowed. OK, so she didn't know how she became queen overnight…but hey, when in Rome…right?

"I'll go see them," she agreed and slipped on a deep green velvet gown with Yuuki's help—who knew those things were so difficult to put on—and made her way downstairs proudly.

As she passed them, her classmates—or rather "servants"—would bow down. It took everything Ruka had not to burst out laughing when she finally reached the throne room where the "peasants" were on their knees.

"H-H-Hanabusa?" Ruka asked, stuttering on her choked back laughter. The vain vampire's eyes brimmed with tears.

"It's such an honor that you would address me as if we're so close!" he sobbed happily. And Ruka blinked.

Yeah. She was queen. She could be as mean to him as she wanted…

"I LOVE BEING QUEEN!" Ruka shouted happily, completely ruining her image of elegance. Luckily, Ruka Souen is Ruka Souen, so the moment of disgrace was quickly changed to merely a ripple in her pond of perfection.

"Ahem…" Ruka mumbled turning a little bit red.

"THE QUEEN IS SO BEAUTIFUL!" everyone in the room chorused. It never did occur to Ruka that maybe she was a dangerous queen and if anything went wrong she had a tendency to lop off peoples' heads. This never occurred to her because…well…she's Ruka.

"Yes, she is," someone said. This certain someone was—Zero Kiryuu!

"What are you doing here?" Ruka asked rudely. The offending ex-human looked rather confused.

"I'm your husband, my love. The king," he explained and Ruka's queenly jaw dropped to the floor. She let out a stream of profanities that she doubted her staff had ever heard her utter.

"And I'm your new royal advisor," no one other than Hanabusa Aido said standing up cheerfully. Ruka wondered if she was the only one to notice that evil look in his eyes.

* * *

"But I can't be married to Kiryuu!" Ruka wailed to Rima and Shiki who had become her new royal therapists.

"No you can't," Shiki agreed and Rima poked him as her pet, Mr. Squeakers came out of her pocket.

_So the mouse is still here…I wonder if I can use my queenly powers to get rid of it…_

In the end, Ruka decided against it.

"But your Grace, you and the King have been in love since you were little children," Rima objected.

"_What?!"_

"Yeah," Shiki said emotionlessly. "You were a pathetic little peasant girl and he ended up picking you off the streets."

Rima nodded.

"I'm not royalty but blood?" Ruka asked outraged.

"Nope," the new "royal advisor" said from the doorway.

"Time's up," Rima said and she exited with Shiki in tow.

"Hanabusa," Ruka noted lazily. Her mind was more focused on how she could get out of this odd marriage and maintain her status as Queen.

"I'm going to dethrone you," Aido told her as if he'd been making a comment on the weather.

"How?"

"I'm going to seduce his Highness," Aido said with a smirk. Ruka choked on her own spit (which is not a very queenly thing to do just in case any Queens are reading this).

Then she cracked up which is even less of a queenly thing.

"I didn't know you were into that sort of stuff, Hanabusa," Ruka said between laughs. Aido frowned.

"I'm serious," he growled and then he stomped out the door.

* * *

"I thought you loved me," Ruka snapped.

"I did…but I…I don't know Ruka, I fell in love again and this time he matters more," Zero said coldly and placed an arm around Aido.

"Yeah, but with _him_?"

"Are you against our love?" Aido demanded looking hurt.

Not understanding that Aido was acting if Ruka was homophobic the not-so-genius-and-now-ex-queen shouted: "YES!"

Zero frowned.

"Then I hearby banish you from my kingdom," the silver haired king said standing up straight. Aido smirked from behind his new lover and Ruka almost fainted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" she cried and collapsed.

"Ruka! Ruka! Are you alright?" voices asked worriedly.

Ruka opened her eyes to see herself back in her dorm.

"Kaname-sama? Akatsuki? Rima? Ichijou? Mr. Squeakers? Shiki? Hana—YOU!!"

Ruka went ballistic.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY THRONE BY SEDUCING KIRYUU?!?! HE LOVED ME SINCE WE WERE CHILDREN YOU KNOW!" she then rounded on Rima and Shiki. Mr. Squeakers vanished into Rima's shirt. "AND YOU THREE ARE THE WORST ROYAL THERAPISTS EVER!"

Needless to say, the whole Night class had looks on their faces and big questions marks above their heads. They were all silent sharing the single and most appropriate question: WTF?

"Er…Ruka, the people in the white coats and big syringes are on their way," Aido said slowly.

"Not again!" Ruka screeched.

* * *

Makes you wonder how many times Ruka's already been stuffed in a straight jacket, ne? So…how about some reviews?


	18. R is for Rain

**Author's note: **Surprise! Here's my New Years present to you all: no author's note! That and **R is for Rain.**

Prepare for some unique angst.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight!! But I own all of my stories and…I smell pizza…yummy *walks away*

* * *

**R IS FOR RAIN**

The rain beat down on all the fools who were wandering around the campus of Cross Academy that gloomy day. One of these fools was a mouse who went by the name Mr. Squeakers.

Mr. Squeakers did a mouse-sigh, which is very different from a human-sigh by the way. He had made the despairing mistake of growing attached to a vampire girl and was sulking in his melancholy. After all, Mr. Squeakers had competition. His competitor went by the name of Shiki.

Mr. Squeakers mouse-shuddered at the thought of the blasted vampire boy.

As the mouse thought of his nemesis, a vision of Shiki with shark fangs and a wicked smile about to kill Rima filled his mind. What did Shiki have that Mr. Squeakers didn't? Well…

_No! Damn it that was a rhetorical question! _Mr. Squeakers thought miserably.

The brown mouse had already been having a particularly bad day before accidentally being locked outside in the cold weather that was currently grasping his mousey tail with its frozen embrace. Oh how he missed crawling down Rima's shirt and snuggling in the place his competition could only dream about.

Shiki had won a large basket of pocky and shared it with Rima who had rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek, much to Mr. Squeakers' annoyance. Couldn't Rima see that the boy was cheating in the love game??

Obviously not…

Mr. Squeakers did another mouse-sigh. His little mousy heart was being ripped into two pieces by a girl.

Then a thought occurred to Mr. Squeakers: why not just let Shiki have Rima?

Mr. Squeakers didn't have much of a chance anyway, so why bother? Wouldn't it just be so much easier to give in? Maybe he could run away and find a new she-mouse to meet and then he'd be happy and continue to infest the world with little mice…but no Rima.

The rain pounded upon the small mouse so he darted under the shelter of the moon dorm. He sat miserably on the stairs crying little mousy tears until there were no more to cry. That was when he heard the door open. Mr. Squeakers jumped unnoticeably by his rescuer.

"There you are, Mr. Squeakers," Rima said sounding relieved.

Mr. Squeakers' heart soared as porcelain hands pulled him off the ground.

"Let's get you inside," she said softly and carried the mouse inside. On their way to Rima's room, the pair passed Shiki.

Mr. Squeakers and Shiki stared at each other dangerously. Mr. Squeakers then decided that he would never surrender Rima without a fight. And the fight would not be pretty.

It would be the ultimate showdown.

But until the time came—which Mr. Squeakers knew it would—the mouse was content where he was—in Rima's hands.

* * *

That was kind of strange….o.0 Along with short, but from a mouse's POV, how much can you actually do? Updates are gonna be weekly so prepare your self for chapter 'S'!


	19. S is for Survey

**Author's note: **I've been dying to write this one since I first started this story To save all you people from confusion **bold **is the question _italic _is the written answer. Now, on with **S is for Survey. **

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight, but I do own this quiz. Oh, and I don't own the smurfs either…that would be so cool if I did though…

Shiki stared at the questionnaire that the Chairman had handed out in class absolutely bewildered. He looked back on the memory.

_Class was proceeding as normal when the Chairman bounded in excitedly. _

_ "All of you are going to fill out this survey and pass it back in by the end of next week," he sang as he danced around the classroom, placing a packet of papers with 100 questions on it in front of everyone. With that said, the insane man darted out of the room, leaving the vampires in an awkward silence. _

Kaname had ordered the Chairman's request to be fulfilled so now Shiki was trapped answering these ridiculous questions. He reread the instructions. Read the questions. Put the answer right down below it.

"I guess I'll just start with the first ten," he mumbled to himself and began…

_;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;_

**1) Do you believe in smurfs?**

_Ummm…you mean those little blue people who try to get away from that wizard and the cat? Sure…_

**2) Where is Cuba?**

_Well, duh. Everyone knows where Cuba is: Mexico!_

**3) Do you sometimes have perverted thoughts about your best friend?**

_Wait, what?! OK, well maybe sometimes. I mean, NO!! Sort of…that's it. I'm done with this question…_

**4) What is your favorite food?**

_I don't really EAT much_

**5) Are you wearing pink fuzzy socks?**

_What the…? How did you know??_

**6) Do you like super spicy hot sauce?**

_Like I said, I don't exactly eat much_

**7) Have you ever been possessed by your murderous father, found out you had a cousin, and almost killed your best friend?**

_Um…no? OK so maybe once. But only once!_

**8) Have you peed your pants since you turned twelve?**

_Who the hell came up with these questions???_

**9) Do you have a boyfriend?**

_No, not really. _

**10) Have you ever cut off your leg like that guy in the Saw movie?**

_Yes because I totally decided to cut off my effing leg. It's a hobby of mine_

Of all the things for his adopted father to come up with, why did it have to be a survey? And why did _he _have to take it?? Oh yeah…

_ "Zero, Yuuki, you two are going to take this survey," the Chairman announced._

_ "Um, no," Zero said. _

_The Chairman began to cry and Yuuki shot Zero a glare. _

_ "We'll take the survey, Dad," she promised. Zero closed his eyes and contemplated breaking his fingers so he didn't have to do this. _

_The idea seemed a bit too painful. Besides, how bad could one survey be?_

Very bad, Zero decided with a grimace. Very, very bad. The first ten questions were a pain.

"I can make it," Zero whispered to himself and started question eleven…

llllllllllll

**11) Do you consider yourself "emo"?**

…_what? This is dumb._

**12) When was the last time you saw your parents?**

_Well, let's see…I was a little kid, they were bloody because some insane vampire killed them and it was pretty much the worst day of my life. Other than the one where I met Kaname Kuran of course._

**13) Would you be my friend?**

_No. Not a chance. Never in a million years would I ever be your friend. And I don't even know you!_

**14) What kind of socks do you like best?**

_You know those pink fuzzy ones? I LOVE those!_

**15) Why do you admire people?**

_Since when do I admire people?_

**16) Do you believe aliens will one day take over the world?**

_Better aliens than vampires_

**17) Would you join a cult of people who thought they were vampires?**

…

**18) Do you think that people with silver hair look weird?**

_Are you insulting people with silver hair? Because I will have you know that silver is a very attractive color!_

**19) Do you carry around a gun?**

_A vampire gun to be specific._

**20) Do you get annoyed easily by others?**

_Me? No, I'm never annoyed. I also like to call myself a people person. _

* * *

Kain looked wearily at the questionnaire. He could tell his cousin loved it without even having to look at him. It just suited the blonde playboy to perfection. It did not however, suit Kain.

He disliked the survey already and would've given most anything to not be taking it.

But there was no point in wishing, so Kain continued unhappily.

* * *

**21) Do you like eating food that has been colored blue?**

_No_

**22) Do you want to get married? And if so, to whom?**

_Well, there's this one girl, but…never mind_

**23) Do you like cows?**

_Cows?_

**24) You are about to die. What do you do?**

_Not die_

**25) Do you mope a lot?**

_Not A LOT_

**26) Do you frequently get punished for things other people do?**

_You don't even know._

**27) What is your family like?**

_Ridiculous_

**28) Would you go for plastic surgery?**

_No, not currently_

**29) What do you want to be when you grow up?**

_I want to be an opera singer. But I've never told anybody about that_

**30) What will end the world: fire or ice?**

_Who's pissed off: me or my cousin?_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………_.._

Mr. Squeakers read the survey questions carefully. He dipped his little toe in ink and began writing away his answers. He knew that if he answered the questions well, Rima would be very impressed.

…………**..**

**31) What do you spend your days doing?**

_Squeaky squeak. Squeaker squeakum_

**32) What is your favorite color today?**

_Squeaky squeakily_

**33) Who was the last person you called?**

_Squeaker squeakacatatoo_

**34) Do you believe in love?**

_Squeakis essqueakes_

**35) Would you die for your one true love?**

_Squeaka squeako squeak_

**36) Would you call yourself a cat person?**

_SQUEAK? SQUEAKERS SQUEAKAMOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!_

**37) Have you ever tried online dating?**

_Squeak_

**38) Do you have a tail?**

_3_

**39) Do you enjoy rock climbing?**

_squeakacker_

**40) Do you think you stand a chance against your competitor in your weird love triangle?**

_Squeaken squeakedee_

* * *

Ruka let out a princess-ish huff for the third time that day. More accurately, the third time after she'd gotten the survey.

It was stupid. So stupid, she had expressed his opinion of it's stupidity in every single one of her answers so far, a habit that hadn't died despite being halfway through.

**41) Do you like lemon cakes?**

_This is stupid_

**42) Would you consider yourself to have a green thumb?**

_This is stupid_

**43) Do you have friends who play with Barbies?**

_This is stupid_

**44) Are you a fan of MGMT?**

_This is stupid_

**45) Do you wear the color yellow frequently?**

_This is stupid_

**46) Would you eat dirt for money?**

_This is stupid_

**47) Do you enjoy basking in the sunlight?**

_This is stupid_

**48) Is this survey stupid?**

_This is stupid_

**49) You are ugly**

_This is—YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!!_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………_._

Ichijou stared unhappily at the survey. It was really taking quite a toll on him. Then he decided to look upon it all with a smile, and after doing such, he began again.

**50) Would you describe yourself as a relatively cheerful person?**

_Yes! I love stuff!_

**52) Do you like home-made fudge?**

_Why is there no 51?_

**53) Have you ever spent time being tortured by a psychotic bitch?**

_Yup. It was horrible. But a few years of therapy should help a bit_

**54) Do you like home-made fudge?**

_Wasn't this question 52?_

**55) Yeah, but you didn't answer the question.**

_What question?_

**56) Do you like home-made fudge?**

_Oh THAT question!_

**57) ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!**

_The one where you ask if I like home-made fudge?_

**58) Yes, that question**

_OK, I thought so_

**59) So what's your answer?**

_No, I'm sorry…I can't marry you_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………_.._

Kaname was beginning to regret the decision to make all the Night Class take the survey. The sixtieth question didn't help in the least…

**60) Name one person you hate and why:**

_Zero Kiryuu. I hate him. I hate him because he is Zero Kiryuu. Also, I love the hair color silver. It's attractive and I'm jealous. Plus, why can't I be as emo and awesome as him??_

**61) Have you ever been drunk?**

_It was all Rima's fault!!_

**62) Have you ever cried during a movie?**

_The Notebook was a real tear jerker…again, not my fault._

**63) Have you ever dressed up as a girl?**

_No, but I've been told I have several feminine charms…_

**64) Have you ever bitten someone?**

_Well, no duh._

**65) Have you stolen things before?**

_Other than the Chairman's cover-up? No._

**66) What is something big in your family?**

_Incest._

**67) Have you ever felt the strong desire to kill someone? If so, who?**

_Zero. Every time I see him, I wanna kill him._

**68) Are you happy with yourself?**

_Well, mostly_

**69) Who is the coolest person you have ever met?**

_ME!!_

**70) Do you think you need therapy?**

_Maybe a few years would help. Scratch that. I'm better off with therapy for the rest of my immortal life. _

Aido was loving the survey. He really, really was! All the questions he needed to answer ABOUT HIMSELF!!! Aido grinned brilliantly, shot a fake gun with his fingers in the mirror that he would be soon playing on his fan girls, and continued to work…

**71) Do you think you're a good looking person?**

_I consider good looking an understatement thank you very much_

**72) Would you marry yourself?**

_Most definitely _

**73) Do you have an insanely large fan club?**

_Insanely large, yes. _

**74) Are you addicted to anything?**

_Only myself_

**75) Is it quite possible for you to grow an insane obsession with a human girl?**

_Ummmm…no…?_

**76) First color you think of every day?**

_Blue_

**77) And why?**

_Because my eyes are beautiful blue :D_

**78)Are you a genius?**

_Why yes I am actually_

**79) Do you enjoy this quiz? If so, explain.**

_I love this quiz. Especially the last few questions because they seemed to be designed to be all about meeeee!! Except for that one about the human obsession. Because NO there isn't one! _

**80) Are you a narcissist?**

_No! I'm a very humble person thanks much._

**RIMA**

**81) Are you fond of any animals in particular?**

_I like mice_

**82) Do you believe you could be the center of a love triangle?**

_Maybe an extremely deformed one…like a love hexagon!_

**83) What is your favorite flavor of toothpaste?**

_Toothpaste? Why toothpaste?_

**84) What is a word that rhymes with "ORANGE"?**

_Um…is this a trick question?_

**85) What is a word you frequently say?**

_I really don't talk much_

**86) Favorite drink?**

_You may find this extremely hard to believe, but I'm, a big fan of blood. _

**87) Do you listen to music?**

_No. I prefer the sound of my victims screaming as I brutally kill them. Ha ha. Just kidding…kinda_

**88) Do you consider yourself to be a funny person?**

_Oh yeah, I'm downright hysterical_

**89) Do you find it amusing that people have a phobia of mice?**

_Yes! There's nothing wrong with those adorable little things!!!!!!_

**90) What's a word that rhymes with "SILVER"**

_Would you quit it with the trick questions?_

Yuuki was seriously about to lose it with the stupid survey. It was driving her crazy! Her brain hurt waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy to much for this. But being the brave girl she was, Yuuki decided to finish it through. It helped that there were only ten questions left.

**91) Do you have a friend you would trust with your life?**

_Yup! Yori is the best!_

**92) Do you like your parental unit's cooking?**

_Well, no not really. It turns my face a funny shade of green._

**93) Can you handle 9 more questions?**

_I think I can tough it out _

**94) Stupid girl. There were only 7! Now there are 6**

_I knew that! I was just testing you to make sure that YOU knew!!_

**95) Team Peeta or Gale? **(For those of you who haven't read Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins…YOU'RE CRAZY!! GO READ IT RIGHT NOW ALONG WITH Catching Fire. And Gale pwns Peeta)

_I'm more team Haymitch then anything… _(Another inside joke between me and my dad about the Hunger Games series…but if you read the books you'd probably get the gist of it…)

**96) Do you like pizza?**

_Yummy!!_

**97) Are you smart?**

_What?_

**98) Do elephants have butterfly wings?**

_What..?_

**99) Would you kiss a purple hippopotamus?**

_Again, what?_

**100) Are you ready for question 101?**

_WHAT????_

That took longer than I thought it would -.-' And just so you all know, Cuba isn't in Mexico…just for the people who had to wait 14 years before finding this out and get teased a lot because of it…. So when/if you review, assuming you have read the Hunger Games and/or Catching Fire, tell me: team Gale or Peeta?


	20. T is for Twilight

I feel pretty smart for coming up with this. Or maybe pretty unoriginal. It's based off an argument a conversation some of my friends had. I laughed my ass off at all of them.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight. I know some of you are very surprised, but it's the truth. I also don't own Twilight.

* * *

**T is for Twilight**

Just like all classic days in the world, the day was happy and peaceful and everyone was smiling until—

"Jacob."

"Edward."

"_Jacob."_

_"Edward."_

"Jacob!"

"Edward!"

"JACOB!"

"EDWARD!"

Rima and Ruka rarely argued, mostly because they rarely spoke to each other.

"Edward is a vampire so it makes a lot more sense for him to be better," Ruka said through gritted teeth.

"But Jacob…has a freaking eight pack!" Rima pointed out.

"Yeah, in the _movie_. Besides, he doesn't really have any part until the second book," Ruka snorted.

Shiki, Mr. Squeakers, and Kain all watched the argument from a safe distance.

"They don't usually act like that," Shiki observed.

"I've seen this book get weirder reactions out of people," Kain said thinking of the time he watched his cousin and Zero try to kill each other over whose copy was cooler, something that made no sense whatsoever to him, but perhaps that was the point.

Mr. Squeakers made several sounds that might've been an agreement.

What none of the Night Class boys (Night Class mouse?) were willing to admit was that they were actually slightly jealous.

"It isn't worth it to go dress up as a fur ball," Shiki said tiredly. "And don't even try it Squeakers. You're too small." **(A/N: **…that's what she said**)**

"I'm not going to go glue sparkles all over myself," Kain agreed.

"So what to do?" Ichijou asked. At this point, people were so used to him showing up randomly that they weren't—too—scared.

"When are you going to admit that Jacob is way cooler?" Rima demanded.

"Never! I won't have to because Edward beats him any day!" Ruka said triumphantly. The boys (and mouse) all groaned.

"I think we need advice," Ichijou said.

"From a girl," Shiki added on.

"Like Yori-chan!" Yuuki suggested. People still weren't used to _her_ showing up randomly.

"Yes! She's always helpful!" Ichijou chimed in.

"We just need to untangle her from Aido-senpai," Yuuki said slightly slowly.

"Wait, _what_?" Kain asked, slightly taken aback.

"Ah, well, let's go find her," Yuuki said.

"Great! You guys can all come back and share the news with me when you get it," Shiki said before dosing off.

It took longer than one might've expected to find Yori because she was _not _in the library for a change. Soon after, they ran into Zero who was very indulged in his knitting which he hastily put away when he saw the party arrive.

"Do you know where, Yori-chan is?" Yuuki asked, trying not to laugh at his pink face. At this Zero scowled.

"I saw them going into his room," he said. The rest were stuck dumb.

"Squeakedly squeak," Mr. Squeakers said. Translated to English, it means something along the lines of "oh damn."

"I guess she's a bit, ah, busy," Kain coughed. Zero's eyes widened.

"No, they just went to—" he started, but Ichijou cut him off.

"We'll just go find someone else," he said awkwardly.

"For what?" Zero asked. Kain quickly explained the situation which ended with Zero snickering.

"We have no clue what to do," Yuuki wailed, forgetting that it totally wasn't her problem. But that's sleep deprivation for you.

"You guys are idiots," Zero said firmly. "Why don't you just give them new books to read?"

"That might work," Ichijou said thoughtfully.

"I have a book that might work," Zero added.

"You read?" Yuuki asked gawking. Zero scowled. He thrust a stack of seven books (**A/N: any guesses on what they might be yet?) **into Kain's arms.

"_Harry Potter_?" he said incredulously. Zero shrugged.

"It should work," he said. Hopes high, the party took off. In less than an hour they had the girls reading the series (as it turned out, the Chairman had his own set) and it was a peaceful, Jacob/Edward-argument free day.

….

For about a week.

"Harry!" Ruka yelled.

"Draco!" Rima responded angrily.

"They don't even call him Draco in the book!!"

"Well…so?"

Shiki and Kain whimpered.

"I'm going to kill Zero," Shiki whispered.

……………..

I forgot to mention that I don't own Harry Potter either…Now, I know I gave you guys a perverted impression on what's going on in Aido's room (unless I'm the only freakishly perverted one) and let me tell you it was totally intentional. But if you just _**wait for chapter V**_, there will be a whole side story. I'm holding you all in suspense. And while you're at it, REVIEW!!


	21. U is for Ultimate Showdown

I know, I know, it's shocking: I'm not taking three months to write this! Partly because I've been excited to write it ever since somebody told me to do one called Ultimate Showdown. Or maybe it's just because I can't wait to wrap up the ShikixRimaxSqueakers love triangle! Either way, read on!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight. My birthday is on 4/28 though…maybe I'll get it!

* * *

**U is for Ultimate Showdown**

"And now, the final battle for Rima's love begins! Who shall win? Man or mouse? Or maybe vampire would be more appropriate....Anyway, the epicness begins with—"

"Hey, Ichijou? Shut up before I kill you," Ruka growled. The blonde vampire stared at the girl with a scowl to rival her own. She won.

"Aido should be the one doing this, but he's off with Yori," Ichijou grumbled.

"Where are they anyway?" Ruka asked.

"I dunno," he said. "I heard thumps coming from his room so I assume that's where they are."

"Uh, you guys?" Rima said. "Could you be quiet? This is a dramatic moment."

Shiki and Mr. Squeakers were staring intently at each other, ready to kill.

"That's it, mouse! Rima is _mine_! She was mine first! Plus, everybody wants me to be with her," Shiki snapped.

Mr. Squeakers squeaked a reply that is completely out of possibility for translation. Most likely it was something offensive.

"Hey now..." Rima said but Ruka clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Just let them do what they have to do," she said. Rima nodded, although it was more because she wanted Ruka's hand off her mouth rather than that she agreed.

"Like I was saying," Shiki said, "there's only one way to settle this."

"Ultimate showdown," Ichijou whispered. Millions of horrible ideas shot through Rima's mind. They involved blood, gore, and other gladiator stuff.

"I challenge you to a GAME OF CANDYLAND!" Shiki shouted. Rima stared incredulously.

_So much that the gladiator idea. _

Ruka and Ichijou, however, gasped. Nice to know _somebody_ found it incredible.

"Oh damn," Ruka said.

"He must really love you if he's willing to go that far," Ichijou said wisely. Rima closed her eyes and wondered what she had done in her life to deserve having these people as her companions.

"Uh-huh. I feel adored," Rima drawled. She promptly went to sleep. No one actually noticed this of course. Ruka and Ichijou were watching the game of Candyland, **(A/N: if you don't know what Candyland is, it's the most awesome, intense, heart-stopping game EVER!!!) **commenting on the progress of the game.

Eventually, Rima woke to see the mouse and vampire still deep in their game.

_Intense_, she thought.

_I'm going to kick his mousey ass!_

"Shiki, calm the hell down," Rima said. Everyone looked at her. She coughed awkwardly.

"Moving on," Ruka said finally and poked Mr. Squeakers. The mouse tumbled over, but got up quickly. He made his moved which Ichijou and Ruka made appreciative sounds about and Shiki scowled.

"You guys do realize that the average time for this game is about fifteen to twenty minutes, right?" Rima said after ten minutes of silence. No one had moved and inch and Rima was getting quite apprehensive. Bored, she began to hum some song by Aqua. Something about candy men....

"Omigawsh!" Kain squeaked. "I love that song!" Where he magically appeared from, no one was quite sure.

"Me, too!" Ichijou cried happily.

"Shut up, Ichijou!" Ruka snapped. "You're killing the vibe."

"Rima killed it first when she started humming," he protested. At long last, Shiki made his move. This was followed by another ten minutes of nothing.

"I thought the ultimate showdown was supposed to be epic," Yuuki said. She and Zero had shown up out of no where per usual. This put more pressure on Mr. Squeakers.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE GUYS! YOU DRAW A FLIPPIN' _CARD_! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!" Zero exploded from the sidelines, just in time for Kaname to show up and make fun of him for being so 'loud and disruptive in a serious time.'

"Can I just win already?" Shiki asked bluntly.

A heated debate followed this.

"There _are _a lot more fans who like Shiki and Rima together," Ruka admitted.

"I can't think of anyone who actually requested a fair deal," Kaname added. Mr. Squeakers squeaked indignantly.

"It seems kinda harsh to not give the guy a fair chance," Yuuki argued. "After all, he beat all the odds and got this far."

There were some murmurs and agreements to this. All the while, Rima hummed the theme song to Pokémon.

_Do you think I should win? _

Rima thought about it. Who did she really want to win?

**(Insert second OOC Shima moment!)**

She spent about twenty whole seconds on a mini trip around her metaphoric heart, searching for answers. During the mini trip, she realized that all along it had been _him. _It had been her best friend. Because she loved him.

She _loved _him.

She.

Loved.

Him.

She loved—

"Ha! I knew it!" Shiki shouted triumphantly.

"Ahem, well, you guys may have a freaky telepathic communication system, but the rest of us don't so please share," Ichijou said, his polite tone marred slightly with a hint of irritation. After all, he had been hanging out here for a whole effing hour, watching a game made for kids below the age of seven to witness the solving of the ridiculous love triangle and he kind of needed to _hear_ to understand anything.

"Rima just decided that she's in love with me and wants me to win," Shiki narrated. All gazes turned to Rima who nodded impassively.

Cheers from all the shima fans—who totally knew it as going to happen anyway—could be heard all the way around the world. OK. So not really...but almost.

The happy (?!) couple walked away. If they were anyone else they would've skipped, but honestly, that would've been a bit too much.

The rest of the group consoled a slightly depressed Mr. Squeakers.

"That's what happens when you rest it all on a board game," Zero snorted. Yuuki elbowed him in the ribs.

"For an ultimate showdown, that wasn't really ultimate," Ichijou said thoughtfully. Ruka nodded in agreement.

"Candyland is pretty freaking ultimate," Zero objected. A large argument over the epicness of Candyland and whether or not it should be used in an Ultimate Showdown broke out.

No one noticed as a sorrowful Mr. Squeakers crawled away.

That night, Mr. Squeakers updated his MouseSpace page so it said: _lost to the stupid emo kid. ='(_

A message popped up and he opened it. It was from a girl mouse friend of his. She offered him words of sympathy that helped a lot more than the ones the other's had given. Mr. Squeakers smiled. Kind of. As established earlier, facial expressions for mice don't really work out well.

Maybe there was hope after all....

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

The lights of Las Vegas were bright and the music was booming. But that wasn't important. Mr. Squeakers gazed lovingly at his new bride, Mrs. Squeakers. She had saved him from his depression after losing Rima and helped him realize that outer-species relationships aren't meant to be.

* * *

Yeah that last part was kinda weird....I just thought it would be nice for Mr. Squeakers to have a happy ending…? Review anyway!


	22. V is for Vacuum

**Author's Note: **Where have I been? Writing a book. That means I've been distracted. But I finished the first draft...whatever. I have time to work on my fandom now so here you go! I actually wrote this out a while ago along with **W. **Here it is: the explanation to all the sounds coming from Aido's room.

**Disclaimer: I** don't own VK. But I've been writing on this computer so much that my family has declared it mine and I'm totally taking it with me to Santa Maria tomorrow.

* * *

**V is for Vacuuming **

**(would've been to obvious if it'd been "Vampire")**

* * *

With a crash and a thud that could—and would—be heard by the whole dorm, two bodies fell to the ground. There was a yelp and a groan, but Sayori Wakaba and Hanabusa Aido, the strangest pair to be found in such a situation, were too tightly together to separate. Yori stared down at the boy beneath her and with a quiet sigh, let her head drop to rest against his chest. Idly, she pondered on the events that had lead to the one epic moment that she was sure she'd never forget...

* * *

"It's someone who's secretly in love with someone else who loves them," Yori lied. "Now go confess to her."

With that, Yori all but kicked Kain out of the library.

"It's not very nice to lie, Yori-chan," Aido said coming out of the shadows. Yori almost jumped. Almost.

"He'll thank me later," Yori said and tried to return to her book. Unfortunately for her, Aido was bored and wanted to annoy her and had plans to do just that...

"What do you want this time, senpai?" Yori asked because by god if he was about to ask her to define another word, she was going to buy a dictionary and slay him with it. Sayori the Aido Slayer.

_It has a nice ring to it, _Yori thought to herself.

"I need you to teach me to vacuum," the vampire told her. Yori blinked and stared at him. Normally, Aido would've loved the fact that her eyes were on him at last, but she was looking at him like he was some kind of idiot, a huge difference to the gazes of admiration and adoration he was used to.

Aido coughed awkwardly, bringing Yori out of her thoughts.

"You need me to teach you how to vacuum?" Yori asked incredulously. What really got to Aido was that most girls would've used the word "want" in the same tone rather than "need."

Yori was smart, much smarter than him both academically and perceptively. She saw though all his bull which made being around her...well, Aido wasn't quite sure how it made him feel, but he figured that vacuuming was a long and difficult process, something that would give him lots of time to study Yori.

"Well, yeah," he said after a long pause.

Yori gave herself credit for being able to keep her face straight.

"If you can't vacuum then you've obviously never needed to," Yori pointed out stoically. "Why start now?"

Aido hated how with any other girl it would've been a straight yes. But then again, it was sort of refreshing to be questioned. He just really didn't like the answer.

"The Chairman wont pay for maids anymore," he said through gritted teeth. Yori stared some more. "Well, Kaname-sama used up all our money to pay for his ridiculously long showers!"

"So now you have to do it yourself," Yori concluded thoughtfully.

"Kain won't do it for me anymore," Aido grumbled.

Yori sighed. "But my book is go good..." she said sadly.

"Please!" Aido whimpered. The fact that he was on his knees beside her chair lead Yori to believe his room had to be really, really disgusting. Out of the goodness in her heart, Yori agreed to help and found herself being all but carried out of the library by a delighted Aido.

"What the hell are you two doing?"

"Hello to you too, Zero," Yori said. "Yes, I _am _having a good day. You?"

"We're going to my room," Aido said almost smugly. Zero raised his eyebrows and looked like he was about to speak. Yori caught the implication and cut him off before so much as a breath crossed his lips.

"To clean," she added. Zero's permanent scowl turned into a smirk.

"Good luck with _that_," he said looking as amused as he ever did.

"Zero?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I see some Jell-o in your hair," Yori told him.

"No! I thought I got all that stuff out!" Zero shouted before running off. Yori took a deep breath and a look of determination filled her face.

"We can do this," she said.

That was _before _she saw the room.

* * *

"I don't think we can do this," was the first thing that Yori said when Aido opened the door to his room.

Layers upon layers of filth piled up on every surface of the room underneath the strong scent of hairspray that Yori assumed had been used to cover up the smell in place of a real air freshener.

There was much more, but due to the rating of the story, it all had to be cut out. Yori was sure she was going to have nightmares for weeks. Assuming she survived of course.

"That's why I got this," Aido said proudly. He help up a box that was an alarming shade of orange and said in an ever more offensive shade of purple: _**SUPER VACUUM- the vacuum that does everything superly**_.

"Superly?" Yori read aloud critically. "Is that even a word? I think they meant superbly." Yori kicked a stray pizza box out of the way while her partner in slime took out the SUPER VACCUM _(that does everything but spell properly_, Yori thought wryly) and plugged the cord into the wall.

When Yori looked back on it, everything seemed to have happened in the course of only a few seconds. One moment, the SUPER VACUUM was simply sitting there like a normal machine should, the perfect picture of innocence. But then Aido connected the SUPER VACUUM to the outlet and the thing roared to life. Literally.

"Do vacuums usually do this?" Aido shouted over the horrible sound.

"None that I've seen!" Yori shouted back.

"I AM KING MUUCAVREPUS! LORD OF ALL VACUUMS! BOW DOWN TO ME AND OBEY!" the apparently lord of all vacuums shouted.

"You gotta be kidding me," Aido said, completely dumbfounded.

"Pull the plug!" Yori cried.

"Cord! Right! Yes!" Aido exclaimed and leapt for the wall. King Muucavrepus was too fast and used his hose to thwack the vampire away before he could.

"OK, _now_ what?" Aido asked, turning to Yori who was plotting.

"I guess we should destroy the motor housing," she said thoughtfully.

"The what?" Yori remembered that Aido had never touched a vacuum before and probably didn't know the anatomy of one.

"The body of the vacuum," she elaborated. "We can't go for the cord because King Muucavrepus knows that if we get to it, everything's over and the...uh, well, I don't remember what it's called so we'll just call it the big black sucky thing, 'kay?"

"Sure," Aido said because that would probably make more sense to him than what the thing was actually called.

"Anyway, we can't go for the big black sucky thing because I'd pretty sure that's the mouth and we can't kill it if it ate us," Yori warned him.

Sure enough, King Muucavrepus devoured everything in sight as the poor pair watched from the other side of the room. Aido cracked when the lord of vacuums devoured his favorite Barbie—er, action figure.

"That was limited edition," he whimpered through tears while Yori straddled him to stop him from jumping at the thing and getting them both, uh, vacuumed into oblivion.

"A _Barbie_ is worth more than our _lives_?" Yori hissed.

"You bet it is!" Aido cried before throwing her off and jumping at the king, all thoughts of his safety—and his awesome hair—gone at the need to get revenge over his Bar—action figure! Yori cursed the idiot and her kind heart under her breath before leaping into the fray.

It never ever _looked _like a fair fight with King Muucavrepus tossing them around with his hose that he wielded as both a neck and a tail.

"KING MUUCAVREPUS WILL EAT YOU NOW!" he declared. He turned his sucker/mouth on the blond vampire who put on a brave face, ready to meet his beloved Barb—action figure in death.

Suddenly, King Muucavrepus died. A millisecond later, all power in the moon dorm was shut off. The loud speaker went on announcing exactly what had saved their lives.

"Attention Night Class students. Due to your dorm leader's ridiculous laziness, bills have not been paid in full. Until they are there will be no power in this dorm. If you want to mob someone, mob your useless dorm leader who sings horribly in the shower," the Chairman told them cheerfully.

"YES!" Aido and Yori cried together.

Unfortunately, they were still trapped together by the now limp hose and tripped.

* * *

"That was..." Yori was at loss for words for the first time in her life.

"I know," Aido said weakly.

"So much for cleaning," Yori groaned.

"We should probably get out of here before someone sees this mess," Aido sighed. "It's gonna take a lot more than a vacuum of any kind to clean all of this."

"Uh-huh." Quickly as possible, they untangled themselves and stood up. They surveyed each other for a moment.

Clothes torn, hair messy, and breathing heavily, they opened the door to find an audience of a stunned-to-silence Ichijou, Ruka, Kain, Kaname, Zero, Yuuki, Shiki and Rima.

Awkward silence followed.

* * *

I'm not sure if I got the anatomy of a vacuum right, but those were the names my dad gave me and I was too lazy to actually look it up. Uhm, I think that's it. Good day to you all!


	23. W is for Watermelon

**Author Notes: **See? Told ya I'd update faster than last time! Admittedly, this is so short that it's more of a drabble than anything, but hey, what can you do? And for those readers of **Parenting Lessons**, not to worry, I'm on it, I swear. It's just that I'm almost done with **VK Alphabet** and **More To This** so those are probably going to be updated more...

**Disclaimer: **VK, not mine. Ahhhhh, the burn.

* * *

**W is for Watermelon**

* * *

Ichijou was sick and tired of it. He was so sick of awkwardness that had infiltrated their group, infected it, and messed everything up.

It started about the time Mr. Squeakers went off to meet his new friend Ms. Squeakers (who would later become Mrs. Squeakers). There was the emotional void with the lack of tension between the mouse and Shiki. Besides, what good is a story without some ridiculous love triangle? Of course there was the physical loss because they all missed seeing the little blob pop out of Rima's shirt. Everyone except Shiki anyway. But Ichijou had a feeling that the vampire missed having someone to fight over Rima with.

Also awkward was Aido and Yori. Their explanation to the sounds that were coming from Aido's room and their physical appearance was very feeble:

"_Are you joking?" Yori asked. _

"_Giant vacuum robot," Aido said weakly. _

"_King Muucavrepus," Yori corrected automatically. _

"_Yeah and he tried to eat us," Aido added eyes wide. _

A likely story.

Naturally, no one believed them so things had become strange.

Ichijou knew it was up to him to relieve the foul mood from the air. After all, who else could be happy to the point of obnoxious the same way he could? Nobody. And the best part was that Ichijou knew exactly how to do it.

_Meanwhile..._

"In your dreams, Kuran," Zero scoffed.

"Lying to yourself is wrong," Kaname said feigning disinterest when really, he was fuming inside. Stupid silver haired idiot had no idea what he was talking about.

"There's no freaking way you could eat more watermelon than me!" Zero exploded. Kaname lost it, too.

"Yes I could!" he insisted.

"Could not."

_I'm not going to start up with this. I'm not. I'm really, really—_

"Could too!" Yeah. Totally starting up with it.

"Could not!"

"Could too!"

The argument continued until the Chairman delightedly broke it up.

"How about a contest?" he suggested hopefully.

"Bring it," Zero hissed.

"You're on," Kaname said icily.

"A watermelon eating contest!" the Chairman cried happily.

The idiots agreed easily, glowering savagely at each other.

"We need a ref," the Chairman said thoughtfully. "Yuuki! Lovely daughter of mine will you please be the referee?"

"Uh-huh," Yuuki said cheerfully enough. Out of no where in particular she whipped out two flags. "Ready...set...GO!"

Now where exactly the watermelons had come from, the Chairman didn't say. Kaname and Zero were too busy arguing about who could eat the most watermelon to ask, a big mistake on their part.

The boys ate with a fever that was both disgraceful and disgusting.

It was almost as bad as Kaname singing in the shower, the Chairman mused.

* * *

Sixteen watermelons a piece later, both Kaname and Zero were at the point of puking. It was beginning to darken by the time it rolled around.

"Can't...eat...any...more...water...ugh," Zero moaned.

"I...surrender," Kaname groaned before proceeding to hurl. Yuuki frowned.

"Well, Kaname-senpai barfed up all the watermelon he ate, so we can only declare Zero as the winner I guess," she said uncertainly.

"Yes!" Zero crowed throwing his fist up in the air. This was a mistake on his part because the quick movement made all his watermelon come back up. It only tastes good the first time, Zero concluded when he'd finished.

"Uhm, tie?" Yuuki asked.

"Nope," the Chairman said decisively. "Zero wins. He's got better hair."

"I'll never eat watermelon again," Kaname vowed, woefully ignoring the hair comment.

"Can't argue with you there, Kuran," Zero admitted painfully.

"You guys! You guys! Guess what!" an overly excited Ichijou squealed coming up beside them.

A bad feeling welled up in Zero's gut. It wasn't like the watermelon he'd eaten coming back up. This was the feeling he got when he knew the Higher Power from above (a strange fifteen-year-old girl with a bad habit of torturing characters that don't belong to her) was about to make something terrible happen.

"What's going on?" Yuuki asked curiously.

"I'm throwing a _watermelon_ party!" Ichijou yelled.

Zero and Kaname shared a quick glance before letting out pitiful sounds like wounded animals and throwing up again.

"Was it something I said?" Ichijou asked bewilderedly.

* * *

Aw, poor Ichijou. And all the guy wanted was to ease the tension...Reviews for this hopeful Higher Power?


	24. X is for Xenodocheionology

**Author's Note: **Alright, right now, we need to give a round of applause to JuJukins for helping me decide on what word I was going to use for X. This idea came to me in about twenty seconds, so imagine my surprise when it turned out to be longer than most of the chapters I write :)

**Disclaimer:** VK isn't mine no matter how often the little voice in my head insists that it is.

* * *

**X is for Xenodocheionology **

* * *

Loudly, Yuuki Cross sniffed. For the fifty-sixth time that hour. Zero snapped.

"What are you crying about?" he demanded in his caring, Zero-like manner.

"Yori is gone," she wailed.

"Yori's gone?" Aido asked, appearing out of nowhere. Yuuki nodded.

"Where'd she go?' Zero grumbled, unhappy with the company but such a sucker for Yuuki that he had no choice but to stick around. That didn't mean he had to pretend to like it, though, he decided. Yuuki let out a low wail and dissolved into tears more hysterical than the previous ones, something Zero hadn't counted on being possible. He ran his fingers through his hair—which is waaaaaaayyy better than Kaname's for sure—and sighed. Gently, he patted Yuuki on the back, ignoring the other vampire whose eyes were also welling up with tears.

"She didn't leave a note," Yuuki whimpered. "I think she was kidnapped." Zero's constant scowl returned to its rightful place.

"How many times do we have to be kidnapped before that plot gets old?" he demanded the heavens.

"This is awful!" Aido exclaimed. "My partner in vacuum-fighting is lost to me!" Zero rolled his eyes. Was he really the only sane one here? As usual. All this whining was giving him a head ache. At least he still had the pain meds he'd gotten from the nurse to cure his stomach ache from eating all the wa...wat...waterm—ugh. He still couldn't say it. Zero shuddered and turned his attention back to the wailing pair.

"Did either of you try looking for her?" Zero asked with more patience than he usually had. Definitely the pain killers.

"I looked in the library where she usually is, but she wasn't there," Yuuki sniffled. "All I found was this note." The silver haired angsty boy said nothing for a long moment, simply closed his eyes.

"Didn't you say Yori didn't leave a note?" he asked slowly.

"She didn't," Yuuki said. "The only thing she left was this note."

_Someone kill me now_, he thought desperately. Zero dropped his head to his hands.

"Did you read the note that Yori apparently _didn't leave_?" he asked scathingly.

"Nuh-uh," Yuuki said innocently shaking her head back and forth in a slow, deliberate motion. Zero picked that moment to debate about continuing to live in a society full of idiots. He came to the conclusion that he couldn't end his life because if he did, lots of sweet little girls who were in love with him would have to jump into the abyss of death after him and he didn't want that on his conscious.

"Let's read it then," Zero said carefully.

"Maybe it'll explain where Yori went!" Aido piped up hopefully.

"Alright, I gotta ask," Zero said. "Why the hell are you here?"

"Because Yori matters to me too!" the blond vampire said indignantly. He proceeded to ramble about his hair, his fan girls, his hair, a vacuum king, his hair, and his hair, none of which Zero really noticed because he was busy reading Yori's note.

_Dear Zero,_

_You're probably going to be the one who realizes that this is my farewell note. _

At this, Zero snorted. How Yori knew these things he was unsure.

_I'm sorry to leave all of you so suddenly and I don't know when I'll be coming back if I ever _do _return. _

Zero frowned. Yori always knew everything about everything. If she didn't know when she was coming back...was she on some kind of secret mission?

_I seem to have come down with a powerful case of **xenodocheionology** and I'm working on finding a cure for it. Until I find a way to fix this mess, I'll be traveling the world. Love to all of you, Yori. :)_

Since when did Yori put smiley faces on her—no! That wasn't what was important!

"What the hell is xenodocheionology?" Zero asked loudly. And why had she put it in bold and underlined it for good measure?

"Let's go ask Yo—" Aido began but stopped before he could finish her name.

"Yori was the one who defined all the words," Yuuki realized aloud. Zero swore with a talent that would make a sailor blush.

"Zero, my son!" the Chairman cried. "Where did you learn such words?"

"I'm not your son," Zero said reflexively. He didn't really want to admit it, but he could feel a growing well of concern for Yori growing in his gut. She was least obnoxious person who knew, and if something bad had happened to her...well, Zero _really _didn't want to be the last sane person standing—it never worked out for people in all the zombie movies he watched.

"Do you know what xendaphoribia is?" Yuuki asked quickly. The Chairman stared, looking completely lost.

"Xenodocheionology," Zero corrected. The odd look on his foster father's face didn't change. Zero sighed. "I'm taking that as a no," he said and stalked away, dragging Yuuki with him. Aido followed without a word. The loss of Yori seemed to be truly affecting him.

* * *

"Is it just me or do we seem to be constantly running around the school asking people what words mean?" Aido asked suddenly. Zero shrugged.

"I'm doing this for Yori," he said flatly. His foot caught on something and with a very un-Zero-like yelp, he toppled over.

"Watch it," a sleepy voice said.

"Rima!" Aido cried. "Yori is gone!" The strawberry blond looked up from her place on the ground. More specifically, her place was in Shiki's lap who was leaning so far down against a tree he might've been laying down. Cerulean eyes blinked slowly at the unlikely trio.

"Yeah?" Shiki mumbled. He poked Rima's side and she turned to him. They had one of their freaky mental conversations and she reached into her bag, pulling out a box of pocky.

"Yeah," Zero said irritably. "Do you know where she is or not?"

"We might know," Rima said offhandedly.

"We might not," Shiki added. Rima gracefully shredded the top of the box and pulled out two sticks of pocky. Without a word, she stuffed one in the mouth of the boy behind her and popped the other in between her pursed lips.

"Do you, or do you not know where Sayori Wakaba is?" Zero snapped, all patience having been lost long ago. In a swift motion, Rima stood up and shoved a stick of pocky in Zero's mouth. In the same moment, she was back on the ground in Shiki's arms.

"Hush," she said in an eerie voice. "We don't know about things like that but King Yckop does."

"No, no," Aido said quickly. "I've had enough of kings with funky names to last me a lifetime."

"Yeah, uh, King Whatshisface," Zero said with a smirk as he chomped down on the pocky. He was beginning to understand why the pair of stoic freaks were so addicted to it.

"King Muucavrepus," Aido corrected automatically. Zero snorted and Aido glared. "Don't diss the vacuum lord," he said. "He probably ordered to have Yori kidnapped by one of his minions to get revenge."

Yuuki gasped. "He wouldn't!"

"He would," Aido said with a shudder.

"Yori said she came down with a case of xenodocheionology," Zero said quickly. "That sounds nothing like being kidnapped by a friggin _vacuum_."

"Xenophthalmia, you say?" Shiki asked curiously. The fact that had he any emotion whatsoever in his voice was slightly disturbing to Zero.

Zero frowned. Secretly, he was somewhat of a nerd with a very large vocabularly. He rarely flaunted this because he didn't want idiots all over him, asking him what certain words meant. But he'd never even _heard_ of xenodocheionology. Xenophthalmia was another story.

"Xenophthalmia? No, I never saw her eye become inflamed because she stabbed it with something," he said. "The word is xeno—"

"Xenophobia?" Rima filled in. Zero scowled.

"I'm pretty sure Yori doesn't have a fear of foreigners," he said darkly. "She said she was going to be traveling _around the world_ until she found a cure."

"So maybe she misspelled xenophilia," Shiki said with a shrug.

"If she had an extreme _love _for foreigners, wouldn't she just stay here and hang around an airport or something?" Zero demanded. These people weren't helping at all.

"Xenobiology?" Rima suggested. "Maybe she went to another planet to study their life."

Zero shook his head.

"Do you think Yori went to go buy a xenops?" Shiki asked helpfully. "They live in the rain forest so she'd have to travel to get one." Zero actually laughed at this.

"Yori hates birds," he confided. "Particularly ones that don't come from around here."

"Xeno means foreign," Rima said. "King Yckop told me so, just now in a vision." Shiki made an awed sound. They turned to face each other and had another telepathic discussion about their so-called pocky king, everything else forgotten.

Of course, Zero realized.

_Xeno_biology: the study of extraterrestrial life.

_Xeno_phobia/philia: a fear or love of foreign people.

_Xeno_phthalmia: inflammation of the eye due to a foreign object.

Xenops had nothing to do with the foreign pattern, but they _were_ awfully cute birds in Zero's personal opinion. Not that he'd ever share this with anyone else.

"_Xeno_docheionology," Zero sounded out slowly. "So...something foreign?"

"But _what_ foreign?" Yuuki asked.

"We could always look in the dictionary I've been carrying around this whole time," Aido offered. Zero thought he just might kill the boy.

"Give it," he choked out, thrusting his hand out violently in motion for the small book that could've saved them all this trouble. He flipped through the pages hurried until he found the definition for _xenodocheionology. _When he got to the page, Zero snickered.

"What does it say?" Yuuki asked.

"'Xenodocheionology,'" Zero read aloud. "A love for—"

"I'm hooooooooommmeeeee!" Yori sang softly from behind them.

"YORI!" Yuuki shrieked and glomped her friend, knocking over the bags Yori was holding. "Where have you _been_?"

"I knew you'd figure it out," Yori said kindly. She nudged Aido away from her legs to which he was clinging to desperately. He had frozen Yuuki to the ground a couple feet away. Rima and Shiki had already fallen asleep together again.

"Did you find a cure?" Zero asked and Yori made a face.

"I stayed in a terrible little place infested with cockroaches and rats," she said. Zero snorted. Yori was glomped again by Aido and Yuuki together this time. Zero debated on helping, but instead picked up Aido's dictionary and strolled away. With an almost-smile, he glanced down at the page.

Xenodocheionology," he repeated quietly. "A love for hotels and inns."

* * *

I bet you guys never saw that one coming. The funny part is that half way through, I could spell xenodocheionology without even thinking about it (I still can't pronunce it though...) Hey, who says my writing isn't educational. You guys learned a bunch of new words from me! Maybe. I did a lot of studying for this chapter XD. Since I was so edumacational and all, wanna drop some reviews? Two chapters to go...off for the letter** Y**!


	25. Y is for Yellow

**Author Note: **F**k school. I can edumacate myself damn it! First week in and I'm already going up walls! Ew! When did that happen? It's taking up all my writing time! Anyway, here's your second-to-last chapter. Hope ya like it :)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight which I guess is okay, but I don't own the song Yellow either. That goes to Coldplay.

* * *

**Y is for Yellow! :)**

The students of Cross Academy were scared. When they spoke it was in nothing louder than hushed whispers. They all made their way from class to class in herds, afraid of being alone. It was the calm before the storm, they all knew. For the past week, there had been nothing disruptive going on around campus. Whatever storm was coming was going to be savage.

However, none of the Day Class students—save Yuuki and Yori who were pretty in-the-know—were even half as scared as the Night Class. Why? Because not only was campus quiet, but Kaname was gone.

"Was he kidnapped like Yori was?" Yuuki asked.

"I wasn't kidnapped," Yori said. "I went around staying in different hotels."

"Or so you _claim_," Yuuki muttered.

"Maybe he saw a watermelon, climbed into a ditch, and died," Zero suggested hopefully. This idea was ignored. Suddenly, a giant rock came and hit Shiki in the back of the head.

"Ouch," he said in a monotone voice. Rima patted the bump tenderly. Kain picked up the rock and found a piece of paper, stuck to the rock by a piece of yellow duct tape.

"It's...a note," he said puzzled as he separated the rock from the paper with a pair of scissors.

"What's with all the freakin notes and missing people?" Zero exploded.

"When people go missing, notes are frequently left as clues," Yori said in an infuriatingly patient voice. Zero took a deep breath. He could handle this. He could. Really.

"What does the note say?" Ruka asked. She snatched it out of Kain's hand and read it silently. When she finished, her eyes filled with tears and she passed it on to Ichijou with a loud sniffle.

_Come to the academy gates right now if you ever want to see Kaname alive again. _

"I knew he was kidnapped," Yuuki said proudly.

"That looks suspiciously like his handwriting," Yori observed. "I saw it on his paperwork that he turned into the Chairman once."

"Do we _have _to go?" Zero asked.

"Kaname turned in paperwork?" Ichijou said looking impressed.

"Let's go save the dorm leader," said Shiki flatly.

"You're so excited, Shiki," Rima commented slightly surprised. He shrugged.

Zero cursed his life as he followed the odd group to the spot where they were supposed to go save Kaname. Why was he going? Yori had pointed out that they needed more than one sane person around. Zero could've kicked himself.

_Well, there's always the slight chance that his kidnapper with kill him anyway, _he thought gleefully.

* * *

_Two hours later_

Zero was all but skipping on the way back. They'd waited and waited and Kaname still hadn't showed up. Life was great, he thought smiling smugly on the inside, scowling on the out. And that was when he saw the dorm.

Everything was an appalling shade of bright yellow.

Zero didn't mind yellow, really his didn't. But everythingwas bright, bright, neon yellow. _Everything _being the roof, the walls, the ground.

"How did we not see this?" Ruka squeaked looking horrified.

"I kind of like it," Rima said so quietly only Shiki heard it. He nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you think the inside is like that too?" Ichijou asked worriedly.

"I bet it was a fan girl trying to imitate my hair," Aido said cheerfully.

_Looks like she got it pretty good_, Rima noted.

_Yeah, the whole dog-pee yellow shade is identical_, Shiki confirmed. Suddenly, a little yellow blob came scurrying up and Rima let out a little squeal.

"Mr. Squeakers!" she cried delightedly and scooped the little mouse in her cupped hands. Suddenly, she frowned. "Why are you yellow?"

"_Squeakin squeaka squeakishmur!" _the little mouse…uh...squeaked (?) happily (?) in response.

"You were dunked in yellow paint?" Rima gasped. "Poor baby!" She fawned lovingly over Mr. Squeakers and the mouse sucked it all up greedily.

Shiki let out a low growl just as a low, furious squeak came from beside his feet. He looked down and saw a little she-mouse doing her best to scowl at Rima. Finally! Someone he could relate to! The mouse he took to be as Mrs. Squeakers looked up at the vampire expectantly as if to say "this is up to you buddy seeing as I can't do anything here." Shiki gave an obligatory nod and took two calm steps toward Rima who was cradling Mr. Squeakers to her face, giggling in a very un-Rima like fashion which quite frankly was scaring everyone else. He promptly pulled the mouse away from her by the tail and set him down next to his raging wife.

"You got paint on your face, Rima," he said quietly and wiped the paint away before kissing her without warning. He pretty much radiated "possessive" (which didn't appear to bug Rima at all) and all male creatures in visible vicinity who treasured their family jewels jumped away. The rest of the group—which had now grown by two mice—scooted away hastily. At a considerably faster pace, they entered the Moon dorm. And jumped right back out.

More. Yellow. Several people swore loudly while Zero howled with laughter.

"Isn't this great?" But it wasn't the silver haired boy who spoke.

"Kuran?" Zero asked after he'd pulled his jaw back up from the floor.

"I tricked you all!" Kaname squealed as he danced around in his now yellow paint-splattered My Little Pony PJs. "I got you away and while you were gone, I painted the whole dorm yellow!"

"So we see," Ichijou said slowly as if he were trying to coax a rabid animal into submission. Zero himself was waiting for the Pureblood to start frothing at the mouth.

"_Look at the stars,_  
_Look how they shine for you,_  
_And everything you do,_  
_Yeah they were all yellow_," Kaname sang happily.

Everyone winced. His singing hadn't improved since the Brittney Spears songs in the shower incident. When Ichijou thought about it, he realized that Kaname had also been wearing the My Little Pony pajamas during that debacle. Was that what had pushed him off the sanity cliff? Maybe. But if that was the case, why was this happening so close to the end of the Alphabet? Wait. What Alphabet? Ichijou hadn't known anything about any Alphabet. He frowned, now more confused than ever.

Kaname's horrid singing continued until a loud shriek filled the air, drowning out the sound.

"What happened?" the Chairman asked, eyes wide. As we all know, the Chairman is quite an eccentric fellow and if _he's_ appalled by something, it must be very appalling.

"Do you like it?" Kaname asked dreamily. "Yellow is such a nice color..." The Chairman was at loss for words.

"Wait!" Ruka yelled suddenly. "I know what's wrong with him!" All jaws dropped and every pair of eyes turned to the usually composed vampire who was looking extremely terrified at the moment.

"What is it?" Kain said.

"The bunnies from Happy Time have returned!" she wailed and several people screamed.

"I thought we got rid of those!" Zero exploded. Ruka nodded as the pair remembered their temporary truce in which they'd pretended to be brainwashed and were brought into the studio where the Happy Bunnies were producing their mind-controling show. (**A/N: think South Park. You know, that one totally epic episode where the crab people turned all the guys metrosexual?)**

* * *

_"We got five minutes to get in and get out," Zero whispered. Whispering really wasn't necessary since he and Ruka had beat the crap out of all the guards surrounding them. _

_"I can't believe they actually fell for our pretending to be brainwashed," Ruka said shaking her head. She had found some black stretchy jumpsuits and insisted she and Zero wear them, much to his irritation. But the whole world was at stake and he didn't have time to argue with her. _

_"Well, they did until you punched one of the bunnies," Zero snorted. Ruka scowled. _

_"He groped me!" she insisted and Zero rolled his eyes. He was sorely tempted to say "don't flatter yourself" but as previously stated, Zero was kind of busy saving the world. _

_"Let's just do this and go back to expressing our extreme mutual disgust for each other, okay?" he growled and Ruka sighed dramatically before nodding her head in reluctant agreement. _

_The unlikely duo snuck (quite sneakily if they did say so themselves) into the room where the bunnies were talking. _

_"Just like in the South Park episode," Ruka said. "Beat them to death with...our bare hands?" _

_"We got vampire strength," Zero offered irritably as if her lack of remembering such things was painful for him. With a loud battle cry that Ruka found childish, useless, and all around idiotic, Zero ran forward and threw himself upon Hoppy. Following suit—minus the yelling—Ruka tackled Skippy gracefully and tore at his throat. _

_The following battle was brutal and bloody, but the vampires came out victorious. Due to the gore that was so grotesque and cheese-ball it was straight out of some slasher movie without any plot whatsoever, the final decision in the editing was that the fight scene should be left out and kept in the zombie/Jason/Friday the 13__th__/etc. movies where it belonged. Point is, the whole thing was nasty._

_Ruka and Zero came home the heroes who had saved the world from Happy Time. _

* * *

Or so they'd thought.

"But the bunnies haven't appeared for months," Aido argued.

"Skippy...is...my...master," Kaname declared, suddenly going rather robotic. "Must...kill...everyone...with...yellow...paint."

"Does he mean yellowcake?" Zero asked with a snort.

"That was one heck of a fail if I ever saw one," Yori said dryly.

"So how do we fix him?" Yuuki asked.

"If there's no cure, can we kill him?" Zero piped up hopefully. Kaname let out a yelp. Everyone turned to see a valiant Mr. Squeakers had climbed up onto his shoulder and bitten his ear, drawing blood. The Pureblood vampire jerked back and Squeakers fell to his almost obvious death only to be caught by Shiki who had appeared from no place in particular with Rima beside him. Shiki placed Mr. Squeakers down on the ground.

"Why is it always the guy who hates the other one that saves him?" Yuuki asked. Nobody answered since they were all to busy ooh-ing and ah-ing at Mrs. Squeakers who was squeaking up a storm with her husband in her...uh...paws as she cried little mousy tears of joy at his bravery. She looked up at Shiki and squeaked something unintelligible but considering the circumstances, probably meant something like "thanks for saving his life." But that's just a guess.

"What happened?" Kaname asked looking bewildered. He turned around and saw the world had turned yellow. His jaw dropped and he whipped around back to face everyone else, eyes wide.

"Nice to have you back," the Chairman said.

"Who painted the dorm yellow?" Kaname demanded. After several frustrated sighs, groans, mumbled curses, and irritated facial expressions, the small crowd dispersed, leaving Kaname to not only clean up the mess, but wonder who the culprit was.

* * *

Yes people, _that_ is the story of what happened after chapter **H**. I never really intended on doing that, but the opportunity showed up and I had no choice. One chapter left! So how 'bout some love/reviews?


	26. Z is for Zero's Zebra

**A/N: Where have I been? It's a very long and very complex story. The point is, I'm back now after ...I don't remember how long I took to update. On the bright side, this is the last chapter so—wait. Last chapter? OMFG! WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOO? Well, I'll worry about that later. Anyway, this was inspired by the time I was reading stories to my little brother in an attempt to stop him from bawling for mommy. It wasn't working, so I threw in my own commentary that made him (honest to god) giggle. He informed me that I should put it in a story, so I am. **

**DICLAIMER: I don't own VK. I do own lots of Vampire Knight fics and that's good enough for me. **

* * *

**Z is for Zero's Zebra**

Zero was scowling. Zero scowled quite frequently, but he was currently scowling for a whole different reason: he was jealous. He was jealous of Kaname Kuran. How wrong was that?

Really. Zero had better hair and that alone was good enough for him to never be jealous of the idiotic Pureblood. But Kaname had...Kaname had a friend. A pet that would never betray him.

Kaname had Bubbles the Aardvark.

Zero wanted something like that. Zero perked up suddenly. Why not get one?

The only question was what kind of animal. Zero frowned again. It had to be a cool animal. It had to be much better than Kaname's stupid aardvark which meant Zero couldn't get a dog or a cat or a fish or a bird. Reptiles were out because Zero didn't like the thought of feeding one. He closed his eyes.

There was a soft wind that ruffled his magnificent hair.

And then it clicked:

"A zebra," Zero breathed. "I'm going to get a zebra!"

With that he ran off to go order a zebra off the internet (because you can buy just about anything on Amazon). What he didn't know was that Yuuki was watching, a frown on her face.

"Well," she huffed angrily. "If Zero is going to replace me with a stupid striped thingy, then I'm going to replace him, too."

* * *

_Three Days Later_

It was here! Zero had never been so excited in his life, although he refused to show it.

"What is that?" the Chairman demanded.

"This is my zebra," Zero said in his too-cool-for-you voice. "His name is Fang and he's way cooler than Kuran's stupid aardvark Bubbles."

With that, he proceeded to walk around campus, parading his new friend for everyone to see.

"Really?" Kaname scoffed. "You're so jealous of my relationship with Bubbles that you went and bought yourself a pet?"

"I didn't get Fang because I was jealous," Zero snapped. He added quickly, "Not that I'm jealous at all." Bubbles and Fang shared a look.

"Is that a zebra?" Ichijou asked, appearing suddenly.

"No," Zero said sharply. "It's an antelope."

"But—" Ichijou started.

"I was being sarcastic!" Zero silently mourning the loss of sanity and common sense.

"Oh."

"Hey guys! Guys! Look what I got!" Yuuki came rushing up to them, followed by something that nearly made Zero wet himself.

"That's a lion," Ichijou said, shooting Zero a glance. "And none of you can tell me otherwise!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Zero said faintly. Kaname just squeaked, sounding surprisingly like Mr. Squeakers, who was, thankfully, on a plane to Berlin for a business meeting at a job with the CEA (Cheese Eating Agency).

"This is my new friend," Yuuki said cheerfully. "His name is—" But no one ever found out what Yuuki had Christened the lion because the next moment, he had swallowed her whole.

For a moment, the rest of the crowd could do nothing but gawk with their OMFGWTF faces on.

Then the screaming came. Everyone ran in different directions.

"THERE'S A LION ON THE LOOSE! THERE'S A LION ON THE LOOSE! THERE'S A LION ON THE LOOOOOOOOO—ARHG! IT GOT ME! IT GOT ME! SAVE ME! MOMMIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kaname's desperate pleas could be heard all throughout the campus.

It did nothing for Rima or Shiki who were both asleep when the lion got to them. Aido and Yori were arguing. Ruka was primping and Kain was being her bitch.

In short, everyone was having a normal day until Yuuki's lion ate them.

**(A/N: And this is where is gets kind of...weird, even for me)**

"Mwa ha ha ha!" the lion said. "Now I've eaten everyone!"

"Not everyone." The zebra stood proudly across from the lion. He narrowed his eyes. "I've been waiting a long time for this final battle."

"No fair," the lion protested. "My tummy is full from eating a bunch of people!"

"There is no mercy is justice," the zebra said.

"Well, that's mildly contradictory," the lion said dryly, just before he got pwned by the zebra. Several minutes later, the lion was lying on the ground, either passed out or dead, the zebra couldn't tell. From his secret pocket, he pulled out some sewing scissors. Daintily, he snipped open the lion's belly (never mind the fact that zebras have hooves, not fingers). Without further ado, everyone who had been eaten by the lion tumbled out, all in one piece and remarkably unharmed. Shiki and Rima were, in fact, still asleep.

"Okay," Yori said. "What the hell just happened?"

"We all got eaten by a lion," Zero said. Yori snorted.

"I know," she said crossly. "I _mean,_ why are we still alive? It doesn't make any sense!"

"You can't just look at a miracle, can you?" Zero said.

"Look," Ichijou said patiently. "It happens in fairy tales all the time. People get eaten and then somebody cuts the monster open and the people pop out perfectly okay! Why can't we do it too?"

"We were cut out by a _zebra_!" Yori was half-crazed and in hysterics. The moment was so unlike her that the fact that everyone had been eaten and then freed from a lion was forgotten.

"I must leave now," the zebra in question said loftily.

"I think I inhaled too much fumes from the yellow paint," Kaname choked out.

Without a word Zero's zebra vanished into the mist back to its secret society of ninja zebras.

An awkward silence remained.

"Well, I'm going to...go now," Ichijou said. Yori was half-carried away by Aido, twitching.

Kaname walked away, wondering if breathing in the fumes from paint.

"_My hair_!" Ruka shrieked, finally looking down at a puddle of lion spit and seeing her reflection. She dragged Kain off to fix her hair.

Yuuki wandered off, already planning on what pet she could get next.

Rima and Shiki woke up, blinking and confused as to why they were lying by a dead lion carcass. Not really wanting to know (because sometimes ignorance really is bliss), they got up and wandered off to go eat some pocky and then fall asleep again.

Zero stared at the spot where his zebra had vanished. He prayed to god that everything would end soon. Almost like this moment was the last chapter of some horrible story written by a particularly sadistic person with no social life and an alarmingly overactive imagination. But if that was the case, how much more could he be forced to suffer through?

It had to be coming to a close.

Zero closed his eyes.

He could only hope.

* * *

**THE END**

**(I guess it's your lucky day, Zero)**

**And now, after about four years, I've finally finished VK Alphabet. Was it good? Did it suck? Was this final chapter too rushed? Most importantly: now what do I do? :o I'm up for suggestions. Anyway...um. I don't know what else to say. 'Bye!**


End file.
